"In a time of ancient gods, warlords and kings, a mixed band of warrior women searched for their place in the world. A place they could call home. Their friendships, their feuds, their strong sense of justice; their bond will save the world."
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« Comments from our Readers? Please? »
Welcome Guest. Please Login or Register. Jul 30, 2010, 5:32am
Joined: Jun 2004 Gender: Female Posts: 44 Location: Wandering Ancient Greece
Comments from our Readers? Please? « Thread Started on Jun 14, 2004, 2:03am »
This may sound like I'm only fishing for compliments, but I would really appreciate it if those that read the Scrolls (that includes the other Bards) would make some comments/constructive criticisms about the posts.
I started this thread instead of asking in the PSA, because I thought that perhaps some thought that the PSA was really only for the Bards. *shrugs*
In any case, I personally am working on trying to do this writing thing professionally, and am *really* enjoying the fresh challenge of working again in a shared world story. So I would like to know how I'm doing at this. I'll take the good and the not so good, as long as the comments are respectful and not meant to be mean.
By learning what we're doing right (so we can do it again), and what we're doing wrong (so we never do it again), I think that we can only make the Scrolls better for everyone. That's my story, and I'm sticking to it.
Heck, I'll even start by saying thank you to Phalon and Evergreen for setting me up so beautifully. The continued tension between EG and Red doesn't feel forced at all (which is really good), and the description at the end of Phalon's last post is wonderfully creepy.
I will try and do more after I've had some sleep, as it's now 6AM (Yikes!) here and I'm starting to fear that I am incoherent.
Joined: Jun 2004 Gender: Female Posts: 44 Location: Wandering Ancient Greece
Re: Comments from our Readers? Please? « Reply #1 on Jun 14, 2004, 2:04am »
Quote:
I have never encountered such fury and lost.
That is such a great line, Evergreen! So telling of the character in its simplicity. Sometimes a line repeated can loose it's power, but I thought you carried it off very well.
The braiding of points of view has always been one of my favorite things about writing with other people. Phalon's surity that Red's gone over the deep end. Evergreen's punishment at the hands of a kindred spirit (the irony of that is wonderful). And for my own part, Red's knowledge that she's working to save people who would as soon kill her as greet her makes for some really wickedly fun writing.
The dynamics that are being built are going to be great fun to explore when we finally are able to put to close this chapter. I for one am highly looking forward to it.
Joined: Jun 2004 Gender: Female Posts: 44 Location: Wandering Ancient Greece
Re: Comments from our Readers? Please? « Reply #2 on Jun 14, 2004, 2:04am »
EvergreenLM Registered Member Posts: 201 (4/6/03 8:22 am)
When I read your post of the inevitable encounter bewtween Red and EG, I walked away from it rather than respond immediately. It really went to the core of the EG character who sees Red as enigmatic in her motives and speaks to the EG on a visceral level.
The repeated line is what I imagined EG was saying over and over again as this is the one time the emotional wounds of being defeated, as the self appointed protector, went deeper than the physical pain.
I believe on some level,as she attacked Red, she was fighting something within herself that always lies just below the surface and has always been kept in balance by Zena. That balance, as that of good and evil, has been tipped by the introduction of Red into the group.
I see a battle being fought by all the characters on several different levels and I think that is why all the Bards are now finding such depth in their writing.
Joined: Jun 2004 Gender: Female Posts: 44 Location: Wandering Ancient Greece
Re: Comments from our Readers? Please? « Reply #3 on Jun 14, 2004, 2:06am »
erocfanO2 Registered Member Posts: 280 (4/14/03 11:51 am)
Hello there Red and her fellow scrollers!
I actually saw this thread when you first posted it and thought that there was no way I could respond to it. I enjoy reading quite a bit and feel like there is a lot of diversity in my reading choices.
I know what I like and what works for me, but to critique the work of those that actually take the time to imagine, write and share, well I simply am not qualified for that, but I will share what I can.
I like reading the scrolls very much. I have not been able to read much lately, in fact I have one book I started over 2 mos. ago. Typically I read a book a week. However, I do read the scrolls on a weekly basis.
I love the interraction between the characters and think you all do a wonderful job expressing the care and respect you feel for each other and your characters.
The story is certainly coming to a climax and I think the writings of each and every one of you is reaching an intensity that I am even feeling as a reader.
This scroll you ladies are writing has an element of every emotion there is, but the two consistencies are friendship and loyalty. Sometimes the story may stray a bit from that, but usually just amongst a couple of characters, which leaves the other characters an open door to help the wayward ones find their way back to your group.
As in all books and movies, the story always ends. The scrolls don't. I really like that whenever I turn my computer on there will be these familiar characters, whose latest escapades are sure to elicit every emotion there is. So much emotion that sometimes I wonder how much of your real lives are incorporated into the story, perhaps none at all, but sometimes I just wonder........
I am sure this is not exactly what you were looking for, but it did give me the opportunity to say "thank you to you all for the time and imagination you dedicate in your writing".
Eroc
As the night was leaving, into us our dreams were weaving.
Joined: Jun 2004 Gender: Female Posts: 44 Location: Wandering Ancient Greece
Re: Comments from our Readers? Please? « Reply #4 on Jun 14, 2004, 2:07am »
phalon1 Registered Member Posts: 1111 (4/14/03 9:11 pm)
Thank you, Eroc, for the kind words. I've often wondered if anyone actually read these scrolls. It's just so darn fun writing them. I'm glad you are enjoying it. As always, the invitation to join is wide open.
Joined: Jun 2004 Gender: Female Posts: 44 Location: Wandering Ancient Greece
Re: Comments from our Readers? Please? « Reply #5 on Jun 14, 2004, 2:08am »
I second Phalon by saying thank you to Eroc for stepping up and giving us some very kind words of encouragement. I really do appreciate it!
But please don't be so hard on yourself. If you read a lot, then you are probably more qualified to give some kind of critique than you may think. Knowing what you like and what works for you is actually a fairly important element when judging a piece of art...such as writing.
In any case, thank you again for taking the time to let us know that you are enjoying our efforts, and I hope that you continue to do so for a long time to come.
Joined: Jun 2004 Gender: Female Posts: 44 Location: Wandering Ancient Greece
Re: Comments from our Readers? Please? « Reply #7 on Jun 14, 2004, 2:10am »
QGrrlPower Registered Member Posts: 873 (4/19/03 12:44 pm)
Hoorah for our one fan Eroc!!! Keep it up...
Zena and the others with 3749 views on the scrolls I have a feeling we have quite a few lurkers out there reading the lastest adventures...Though I can probably account for half of them with all the editing i have had to do...LOL or does that count as a reply and not a view...or maybe both...LOL Keep on editing grrls...it may boost the numbers.
Courage is not the absence of fear... but the strength to conquer it.
Joined: Jun 2004 Gender: Female Posts: 44 Location: Wandering Ancient Greece
Re: Comments from our Readers? Please? « Reply #8 on Jun 14, 2004, 2:12am »
It is amazing what drama will bring out in people. And in our case, some damn fine writing! I'd like to give out a few examples:
Quote:
And in a the midst of the clashing of swords, chaos, groans, and the whir of a wheel flying through past and present...for Evergreen and Zena...time stood still.
Evergreen, this is a beautiful end line to a heartwrenching post. The depth of emotion that we get to see in Evergreen is fantastic.
Quote:
The darkness is so black that it has a texture of its own, rubbing against you, living just outside your eyes.
Zena, this is so wonderfully, creepily evocative. Especially the last bit, "living just outside your eyes"...it *still* gives me shivers.
Quote:
Phalon sneered, the blade in one hand, the wheel in the other. "Tell me. Tell me, now. Was is all part of your plan, Gaza?!"
Phalon, sometimes I think my job is too easy with set ups like this. Your character has such a presence, fully formed, as if we're tuning in on her life when you set down a post.
GP, it is too difficult to pick out a single line from your post, "They will not die in vain", for an example, so I will speak of the overall emotion of the piece. We gain a beautifully intimate vision of Puella. Her grief over Zena is so easily felt without you having to describe it in great detail.
Quote:
The War God's sword pulsed with her heartbeat and she moved with the snapping, flickering elegance of fire.
Ok, so sometimes I impress myself. I will say no more at the risk of sounding arrogant.
Quote:
Suddenly, she was shaken from her self- involved thoughts by Evergreen's panicked mournful scream, "ZENA!!!!!" The wail shook Xendra to the foundation of her soul, and time itself ceased to have presence or meaning.
Xwpfan, the simplicity of your description never fails to send across the emotions you wish to convey. It is obvious that this character has reached the very limits of what her soul can endure.
Quote:
At first, Evergreen tried to shield her from me. I didn't take offense from this. She knew I had stood up for Red when no one else would, and it had been Red who had caused her so much pain.
Blackwolf, I think was draws me most to your writing is your attention to detail. Your writing is also always very neat and tight, which makes it very easy to read. I confess that I love Montara, his somewhat caustic sense of humor, and the connection he and Blackwolf have.
Quote:
They danced with each other as if they were meant for that day, for that battle, and all others were mere rehearsals.
Gabbyfan, I was quite stunned when I read that line. It is very beautiful, and made me wish that I had written it! Your writing has grown with leaps and bounds through the course of this chapter, as evidenced by the grace with which you wrote this last piece.
Quote:
"You have served us well, Bhen Rudha. You truly are Gaza. A treasure."
You guys can think I'm prejudiced if you like, just because this line dealt with my character...but it brought tears to my eyes. The whole piece is exquisite, but I think the end bit is filled to overflow with emotion, given to us by such graceful and lavish prose. (Sure, but can you lay it on any thicker? I can't help it, I know what I like!) And I am always pleasently surprised by how Phalon deals with the information I seed her with.
The kalidescope of flavor and texture that each of you bring to the Scrolls is remarkable, and I look extremely forward to what's waiting for us in Chapter III.
Joined: Jun 2004 Gender: Female Posts: 44 Location: Wandering Ancient Greece
Re: Comments from our Readers? Please? « Reply #10 on Jun 14, 2004, 2:13am »
QGrrlPower Registered Member Posts: 886 (4/23/03 2:39 pm)
Red I have to say that your emotion in the posts both here and in the scrolls makes me proud to be a part of the boards...Connections and friendships through common interests is a precious thing...Thank you for breathing life into the scrolls...Helping me to look past the everyday annoyances and once again enjoy the story as it is written...GP
Joined: Jun 2004 Gender: Female Posts: 44 Location: Wandering Ancient Greece
Re: Comments from our Readers? Please? « Reply #12 on Jun 14, 2004, 2:14am »
Zena 1 Zena Scrolls Host Posts: 936 (4/2/04 1:17 pm)
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We have a few people who have left nice posts but not returned so we hope they will pick up where they left off someday soon!
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