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Post by Phalon on Jan 15, 2009 7:49:18 GMT -6
A couple of weeks ago, there were gobs of them out there - lists of predictions for the new year. I thought about it then, but like my list of New Year's Resolutions, (which would have included "quit procrastinating" at the top of the list had I ever made a list of resolutions), I never got around to it. 'Til now...the prediction list, I mean - I'm still putting off my list of resolutions.
So here it is: My List of Whoosh Predictions for 2009.
1. Joxie - just once - will run out of Fairly Bored Mom Magic Dust and fail to provide a link. It will be declared the Missing Link and appear on the back of milk cartons everywhere.
2. Vox, in a state of sugar deprivation and hallucinating, will inadvertently add chocolate chips instead of bacon to her Brussels sprouts.
3. Tommygurl will declare fried okra as being the sh!t.
4. Phalon will gag. (see #3 above)
5. Moonglum, using his new weather station, will accurately depict rain for London during the rainy season.
6. Siren will perform "Sweet Sixteen" at a Sooner Gals basketball game. Spurred on by the melody, the Gals will indeed, make it to the Sweet Sixteen, past the Great Eight, on to the Final Four and win the Women's Basketball Championship.
7. In a related prediction, Kat's Cats will win the 2009 Footie Championship. Siren makes her singing debut down-under.
8. Scrappy, busy during her absence here, will become a New York Times Best Selling Author with the release of her book, "1001 Tips for Moms Taken Directly from The Kid's Handbook". While a new star among Moms everywhere, her popularity will plummet among her peers.
9. Yinyang, Woman of Few Words, will break away from her favorite changing letter games, and write a 6,000 word essay in the "Getting Wordy" thread.
10. Four new members will actually make a post; one will continue on to post number two.
11. Three long-time but missing members will return to say hello, before disappearing into the missed again.
12. Everyone will think about popping ticks the next time they eat peas.
And there they are...my "just-kidding" Whoosh predictions for this year. Anyone else have any?
Edited to create a new title for this thread. Nothing else was touched or retouched. Carry on. ~Mini-Mia
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Post by vox on Jan 15, 2009 9:52:02 GMT -6
To spend most of this year laughing!
To start us off, here is a funny I received by email yesterday! it's a bit long, but worth it!
Judas Asparagus
A child was asked to write a book report on the entire Bible.
This is amazing and brought tears of laughter to my eyes.
I wonder how often we take for granted that children understand what we are teaching???
Through the eyes of a child:
The Children's Bible in a Nutshell
In the beginning, which occurred near the start, there was nothing but God, darkness, and some gas. The Bible says,
'The Lord thy God is one, but I think He must be a lot older than that.
Anyway, God said, 'Give me a light!' and someone did.
Then God made the world.
He split the Adam and made Eve. Adam and Eve were naked,
but they weren't embarrassed because mirrors hadn't been invented yet.
Adam and Eve disobeyed God by eating one bad apple, so they were driven from the Garden of Eden.
Not sure what they were driven in though, because they didn't have cars.
Adam and Eve had a son, Cain, who hated his brother as long as he was Abel.
Pretty soon all of the early people died off, except for Methuselah, who lived to be like a million or something.
One of the next important people was Noah, who was a good guy, but one of his kids was kind of a Ham. Noah built a large boat and put his family and some animals on it. He asked some other people to join him, but they said they would have to take a rain check.
After Noah came Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Jacob was more famous than his brother, Esau, because Esau sold Jacob his birthmark in exchange for some pot roast. Jacob had a son named Joseph who wore a really loud sports coat.
Another important Bible guy is Moses, whose real name was Charlton Heston. Moses led the Israel Lights out of Egypt and away from the evil Pharaoh after God sent ten plagues on Pharaoh's people. These plagues included frogs, mice, lice, bowels, and no cable.
God fed the Israel Lights every day with manicotti. Then he gave them His Top Ten Commandments.
These include: don't lie, cheat, smoke, dance, or covet your neighbor's stuff.
Oh, yeah, I just thought of one more: Humor thy father and thy mother.
One of Moses' best helpers was Joshua who was the first Bible guy to use spies.
Joshua fought the battle of Geritol and the fence fell over on the town.
After Joshua came David. He got to be king by killing a giant with a slingshot. He had a son named Solomon who had about 300 wives and 500 porcupines. My teacher says he was wise, but that doesn't sound very wise to me.
After Solomon there were a bunch of major league prophets. One of these was Jonah, who was swallowed by a big whale and then barfed up on the shore. There were also some minor league prophets, but I guess we don't have to worry about them.
After the Old Testament came the New Testament. Jesus is the star of The New. He was born in Bethlehem in a barn. (I wish I had been born in a barn too, because my mom is always saying to me, 'Close the door! Were you born in a barn?' It would be nice to say, 'As a matter of fact, I was.')
During His life, Jesus had many arguments with sinners like the Pharisees and the Republicans.
Jesus also had twelve opossums.
The worst one was Judas Asparagus. Judas was so evil that they named a terrible vegetable after him.
Jesus was a great man. He healed many leopards and even preached to some Germans on the Mount.
But the Republicans and all those guys put Jesus on trial before Pontius the Pilot. Pilot didn't stick up for Jesus. He just washed his hands instead.
Anyways, Jesus died for our sins, then came back to life again. He went up to Heaven but will be back at the end of the Aluminum. His return is foretold in the book of Revolution.
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Post by Phalon on Jan 16, 2009 6:05:27 GMT -6
HA, Vox! If your resolution is to spend more time laughing, I'm sure that worked. I know I chuckled throughout while reading.
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Post by katina2nd on Jan 21, 2009 19:50:18 GMT -6
My prediction is that Phalon's prediction number seven will become reality, the mighty Cats will triumph on the last Saturday in September, and the following day Siren will step onto the green sward of Kardinia Park in front of 20,000 delirious [ and inebriated ] fans and belt out a rendition of "We Are Geelong" that will be spoken about in hushed terms for decades to come.
My other prediction is that all the members who haven't already done so will experience the delights of Vegemite for the first time, Phalon will gag [ again ] and other comments will range from 'good lord do people voluntarily eat this" "quick pass me the water" "I've been poisoned" to the simple "Pfffttt."
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Post by Phalon on Jan 22, 2009 5:31:42 GMT -6
And we have the next Nostradamus! Most prophets, though, only get part of the picture correct. The first part of your prediction, Katina, should read, "In the unlikely, horrific event...."
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Post by moonglum on Jan 22, 2009 14:38:40 GMT -6
I'm going to finish my novel. My other prediction is that all the members who haven't already done so will experience the delights of Vegemite for the first time, Phalon will gag [ again ] and other comments will range from 'good lord do people voluntarily eat this" "quick pass me the water" "I've been poisoned" to the simple "Pfffttt." We discovered heaven over christmas, Kat. Marmite with champagne. It's on sale at a store near you.
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Post by Phalon on Jan 24, 2009 8:09:19 GMT -6
Is this a resolution, or a prediction, Moonglum? Either way, I hope it comes to pass.
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Post by katina2nd on Jan 24, 2009 20:30:08 GMT -6
And we have the next Nostradamus! Most prophets, though, only get part of the picture correct. The first part of your prediction, Katina, should read, "In the unlikely, horrific event...." Oh ye of little faith Lady P, tis my resolution to introduce you to the wondrous world of Vegemite sometime in 2009, though I have the feeling it may require restraints and force feeding to accomplish said task. We discovered heaven over christmas, Kat. Marmite with champagne. It's on sale at a store near you. Sounds like a heady combination MG, I'll have to look into giving it a whirl myself. Do ya put the Marmite "in" the champers or have it as an accompaniment.
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Post by moonglum on Jan 25, 2009 6:53:04 GMT -6
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Post by Phalon on Jan 25, 2009 8:15:20 GMT -6
It wouldn't require too much arm twisting, Katina. I'll try almost anything at least once.....which, come to think of it, involved restraints a couple of times. (eye-roll) Just kidding, of course....but I would try Vegemite if I could find it. And if I didn't care for it after a taste, I could always use the remainder of the jar to grease that squeaky screen door.
Then I predict you'll have a best seller on your hands.
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Post by katina2nd on Jan 27, 2009 19:02:57 GMT -6
Holy mackerel, what will they think of next, hope you stocked up MG, looks like a great combo. It wouldn't require too much arm twisting, Katina. I'll try almost anything at least once.....which, come to think of it, involved restraints a couple of times. (eye-roll) Just kidding, of course....but I would try Vegemite if I could find it. And if I didn't care for it after a taste, I could always use the remainder of the jar to grease that squeaky screen door. I'll have to look into shipping you a jar Lady P, along with the accompanying handbook "101 uses for Vegemite."
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Post by Siren on Jan 27, 2009 22:18:33 GMT -6
You guys tickle me. I laughed through this entire thread, you fools! Much love to you all in this new year. Mwah! *a wet kiss on the head to each and every one of you*
I'll start working on "We Are Geelong", kat. Should I wear a slicker in case the fans toss half a coldie at me?
And Gams, at the sorry end of last season, I would never have predicted that my Sooner Gals would make such a remarkable recovery. I really think they will make the Final Four. Keep those fingers and webbed toes crossed!
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Post by Phalon on Jan 28, 2009 9:49:12 GMT -6
Keeping my fingers crossed, Siren. I think you may be caught in a web of defeet though, with the webbed toe coment. Though, I feel ducky that your Sooner Gals have a chance at the Final Four, it was not me, but a guy I was seeing who had webbed toes. I have monkey toes - my second toe is longer than my first.....which makes them easy to cross, actually, and I'm doing so for your gals too.
Oh, and the puppy has webbed toes - on all four paws. The more crossed toes, the merrier, so I'll have her do the same.
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Post by katina2nd on Jan 29, 2009 6:37:10 GMT -6
I'll start working on "We Are Geelong", kat. Should I wear a slicker in case the fans toss half a coldie at me? An Aussie throw away half a coldie Siren, never been known to happen, besides the only thing you'll be getting showered with will be applause and adulation. And Gams, at the sorry end of last season, I would never have predicted that my Sooner Gals would make such a remarkable recovery. I really think they will make the Final Four. Keep those fingers and webbed toes crossed! Be keeping my fingers and boringly normal toes crossed for your gals as well Siren.
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Post by HobsonsChoice on Feb 3, 2009 22:47:12 GMT -6
here's one long lost member dropping by to say hello. i don't know why i always get the urge to come around even though it's been too long to still consider myself a part of the boards. hi to everyone just the same. this is the only message board i ever really liked and it's nice to lurk and be reminded of the reasons.
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Post by Phalon on Feb 4, 2009 5:28:38 GMT -6
Dobs!!!! How the heck are you? I was just thinking about you last week. No, really I was. Dusting the bookshelf, (which, really, I should do more often; I think I was asphyxiated with dust by the time it was over), there was The Poisonwood Bible, and I thought, "I wonder what Dobs is up to these days?"
Hope all is well your way. Glad you stopped by; you should do it more often.
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Post by Phalon on Mar 11, 2009 5:02:39 GMT -6
Not Whoosh! Predictions, except in their inaccuracy they were whooshed right down the toilet.
"Theoretically, television may be feasible, but I consider it an impossibility--a development which we should waste little time dreaming about." ~ Lee de Forest, 1926, inventor of the cathode ray tube
"I think there is a world market for maybe five computers." ~ Thomas J. Watson, 1943, Chairman of the Board of IBM
"It doesn't matter what he does, he will never amount to anything." ~ Albert Einstein's teacher to his father, 1895
"It will be years - not in my time - before a woman will become Prime Minister." ~ Margaret Thatcher, 1974
"This 'telephone' has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication. The device is inherently of no value to us." ~ Western Union internal memo, 1876
"Who the hell wants to hear actors talk?" ~ H. M. Warner, Warner Brothers, 1927
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Post by quettalee on Mar 11, 2009 9:03:43 GMT -6
These are great. Thanks for sharing.
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Post by stepper on May 7, 2009 21:56:48 GMT -6
In case you lurk around again, I've been working on my genealogy and recently included quite a few Hobsons. They were in Delaware and Maryland.
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Post by Phalon on Sept 11, 2009 20:31:00 GMT -6
We are almost there! Three new members just this week - EllieNeo, Vickiej, and Jonjon3168 - and all have made it past their first post!!!
OMG, one of these predictions may actually come true. Kinda scary if you think about it.
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Post by Mini Mia on Sept 11, 2009 21:50:13 GMT -6
Kinda thrilling, isn't it Phalon? I'm flabbergasted!
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Post by Phalon on Jan 1, 2010 23:29:39 GMT -6
2009 is over; let's see how we did on the Whoosh Predictions.
Out of my twelve predictions, some of them actually came true...or nearly so; good enough for me.
I'm not sure she ran out of dust, or failed to provide a link...but the Fairly Bored Mom herself has been missing for a couple of days. I've always joked that one day I'm going to run amok on the board and randomly pick threads to post questions in, just to see if she can provide links with the answers. Maybe while she's gone, it'll be a good time. Give her plenty to do when she gets back.
Although many other things since I made this prediction have been declared "the sh!t", to my knowledge, TG has not yet declared fried okra as being the sh!t. Smart woman - I always knew that you were, so in a sense, my prediction came true by having my prediction not come true. Huh? I'm stretching here; give me this one.
I have! I've also cringed, shuddered, eye-rolled, and left 'em groaning in the aisles. Bonus points for this one?
The Sooner Gals did indeed make it to the Sweet Sixteen, past the Great Eight, and on to the Final Four! Though they fell just short of winning the whole shebang in the Championship game, they made a great showing. Keeping fingers crossed for them to go just that one tiny step further and be crowned Champions this year.
Score! The Cats did win the Championship!
Spurred by the success of "1001 Tips for Moms Taken Directly from The Kid's Handbook", Scrappy is on hiatus from here once more to complete her new book: "1001 Tips on How to Blow Up Every Computer You Touch Beyond Repair".
Ha! One prediction that is accurate: Ellie, Jon, Vickie, Luna, Aphrodite, Gabrielle, Xenawp, and Kaysa/Staysa actually made it past their first post. Perhaps the "Whoosh First Post Curse" has been lifted?
Another accurate prediction. Dobs checked in right here; the ever-lovelies, Eroc and Sweet Pea showed up and just as lovely-as-she-ever-was even under her new name, Lola came, this time bringing her pet Chia T with her. Occasional posters, Rsine and Magnus also occasionally posted.
Eight out of twelve...more or less; kinda-sorta. Not too bad.
Oh, and at least one of us failed to keep his 2009 resolution...
Katina, I never did receive my sampling of Vegemite! Not that I'm complaining, mind you. Vegemite falls under the "better you than me" category of food stuffs. You can even declare it "the sh!t" as long as the restraints stay in the closet and that force feeding never happens.
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Post by EllieNeo on Jan 2, 2010 11:00:58 GMT -6
yay, good job on some of those predictions! got any for this year?
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Post by Phalon on Jan 3, 2010 8:18:07 GMT -6
I predict, Ellie, that any predictions I make this year will be just about as accurate as last year's predictions.
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Post by Phalon on Jan 2, 2011 9:16:39 GMT -6
A New Year, a New Year's list of predictions. Feel free to add, delete, dispute, or do with it whatever flips your hair back. In the Whoosh Year 2011.... 1. Stepper will make his 3,000th post. Upon this magnificent feat, he will receive his free (plus shipping and handling) 3,000 Post Whoosh Gold Watch (embossed with the head of Thomas Jefferson flying over the Grand Canyon), but finds the poor packaging has rubbed off gold dust during transit. Damn, those shippers and handlers! 2. Distraught over her Fairly Bored Mom Gold Dusted Watch being so poorly handled by the Handlers and Shippers (who insist Jefferson's Head and the Grand Canyon are a couple), Joxie will watch a nonstop 4-day Spongebob Squarepants Marathon. Upon her return, she will sound like Phalon after two weeks of the girls being home for Christmas break. 3. Katina will finally admit he has a problem and join Vegemite Eaters Anonymous, and find 1,042 new uses for the lifetime supply of the stuff that he's got stocked in his pantry. In a transfer of addictions, he will succumb to the irresistible temptation of eating Fruitcake Sangers breakfast, lunch, and dinner in the seclusion of his prying eyes-proof, indestructible hut, newly constructed out Vegemite. 4. Yinyang will see the word "orange", change a letter, and come up with "rumble". 5. Xenawp7706 will venture into Off Topic just once, and make a single post. Unfortunately, she will change her mind and delete before anyone reads it. 6. Despite the success of her critically acclaimed bestseller "1001 Tips on How to Blow Up Every Computer You Touch Beyond Repair", Scrappy will get a new computer and make a post in the new year. Unfortunately, following the instructions for tip number 97, she blows it up before hitting "post reply". 7. Siren will reconnect with her first crush, marry, and invite us all to the wedding. Settling in to married life with Barnabas proves to be an eternal pain-in-the-neck though; 175 years of death has left him with too grave a disposition. Hey, Siren! Guess what?! Johnny Depp is playing Barnabas Collins in a new movie to start filming this year! (To be continued, because I've run out of time this morning. Or maybe it's because picturing oh-so-hot Johnny Depp as an oh-so-hot vampire has left me on the verge of a swoon. I think I feel a crush coming on.)
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Post by Phalon on Jan 3, 2011 9:49:09 GMT -6
Joxie! You should be the one making the predictions. I didn't know you were psychic and could foretell the future. How'd you know I was going to ask you to change the thread title? (I would have left out the Madam P thing though, because after-all, I just learned it's not all about me.)
Did you predict this next one, though?
8. Phalon will once again misplace OrigiGams, and ever-so-kindly and patiently, Joxie will return her to her original position.
9. Moonglum will finish the novel which he finished in 2009 and again in the fall of 2010. On the dust jacket back-flap novelist photo, he will appear sitting alongside Vox drinking tea in their well-tended rose garden. The novel will become an instant bestseller, topping lists in both London and New York. Its success will allow both he and his wife to more-than-comfortably retire, giving them more time to drink tea in their garden, and post on Whoosh.
10. Phalon's (hey, that's me!) recent claim that she has no gray hair in "the Kitchen Sink" (or in the bathroom sink, or hair brush for that matter) will eventually prove false about mid-year. Those few unnoticeable even-by-her strands will become more prominent and multiply like dust bunnies left unattended to their own devises. This sudden onslaught of gray coincides with the issuance of LX's driving permit.
11. One bottom of the barrel thread (like this one) will suddenly resurface and for a short period of time, be front page news again.
The next two I'm sticking with from the previous list of predictions...
12. Three long-time but missing members will return to say hello, before disappearing into the missed again.
13. Four three new members will actually make a post; one will continue on to post number two (I'm tossing four out, and going with three this year because...Three, it's a magic number, and it's still stuck in my head.)
There ya go - my list of all-in-jest-just-kidding predictions for 2011. Except number 8; that one I'm talking some serious stuff. Pretty please?
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Post by Mini Mia on Jan 3, 2011 17:05:21 GMT -6
Joxie! You should be the one making the predictions. I didn't know you were psychic and could foretell the future. How'd you know I was going to ask you to change the thread title? (I would have left out the Madam P thing though, because after-all, I just learned it's not all about me.)
I saw the 2009 and thought to myself: "Self, maybe a new title is in order." Since you started the thread, you have the power to change it to whatever you want. Just modify the very first post on page 1.
Yeppers, I did. I almost changed it on the 1st, but decided to wait until you begged me.
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Post by Siren on Jan 3, 2011 21:20:08 GMT -6
"too grave a disposition" - LOL! Thanks for the laugh, Mia. And for the news about the dapper Mr. Depp. Though, if they make "Dark Shadows" with a big budget, great direction, and attention to detail, it'll ruin everything; the original show was known for its low budget and embarrassing performances. They often used takes in which they made mistakes, and just kept plugging along. But that goofiness was part of the charm of it. You better look out, swooning over Johnny. Gams is the jealous type. It's not looking good for my Sooner Gals this year; they lost AGAIN this weekend. Arrrgh!
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Post by fallenangel on Jan 3, 2011 21:33:49 GMT -6
LOL Wait I thought I already changed orange to rumble or was it rumble to orange.
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Post by stepper on Jan 3, 2011 21:59:35 GMT -6
A New Year, a New Year's list of predictions. Feel free to add, delete, dispute, or do with it whatever flips your hair back. In the Whoosh Year 2011.... 1. Stepper will make his 3,000th post. Upon this magnificent feat, he will receive his free (plus shipping and handling) 3,000 Post Whoosh Gold Watch (embossed with the head of Thomas Jefferson flying over the Grand Canyon), but finds the poor packaging has rubbed off gold dust during transit. Damn, those shippers and handlers! Fulfillment of the first prediction places on me a heavy burden. One which requires a profound comment; thus I have been searching the web the for best and most appropriate response for days and have finally found it! I hereby proudly complete this prediction and wish Phalon good luck with the rest of her prognosticative endeavors. Definition of a Calorie. Scientific: The amount of energy generating the quantity of heat required to raise the temperature of 1 gram of water by 1°C from a standard initial temperature, at 1 atmosphere pressure.
Actual: The little buggers that get into your wardrobe at night and sew your clothes tighter.
My Closet is infested with the little sh!ts! Thank you, and you may now resume your normal viewing.
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