I've seen enough humor here at Whoosh to think it deserves its own thread. Of course we’ll have to avoid the seamier/steamier stuff, but for my fellow punsters & friends who love the turn of a phrase, a joke, or a cartoon, this pun’s for you.
The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
HA! Those have just the right amount of corniness for me to find them funny.
Actually, I posted a variation of the Sir Cumference one in a list of similar things last week in the "Getting Wordy" thread. My favorite from the list....
A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.
Oh! And here's a good one from Lola. It cracked me up.
I saw an interesting documentary last week on Penguins... The show talked about the complex social circles penguins have, how they mate for life and meet these long lasting, important other penguins at antarctica. They talked about the fact that there are never dead penguins left on the ice and it's because members of the deceased bird's social group will actually use their vestigial wings and beaks to dig a grave in the ice. The males then gather around the dead penguin and sing a goodbye song... "Freeze a jolly a good fellow. Freeze a jolly good fellow..."
She posted it over a month ago, but I somehow missed it until the other day, when I saw the follow-up report to the documentary. Apparently, some of the penguins were having difficulties moving on after the ice-burials of their jolly good fellow penguins. They were in a constant state of mourning....until the spring thaw, when their cryogenicly frozen buddies suddenly awoke, singing "Please refreeze me; let me go...."
Actually, I posted a variation of the Sir Cumference one in a list of similar things last week in the "Getting Wordy" thread.
Wow! You're amazing! How'd you manage to copy my Sir Cumference pun before I put in this thread??!! BOLL! Okay - I checked the Getting Wordy thread to see what you had already shared and I'll try to keep from repeating. Here's another one that I like. It has been around for a while so it's possible that it's been published somewhere in some thread already but I haven't seen it.
A marine biologist developed a race of genetically engineered dolphins that could live forever if they were fed a steady diet of seagulls. One day his supply of the birds ran out, so he had to go out and trap some more. On the way back, he spied two lions asleep on the road. Afraid to wake them, he gingerly stepped over them. Immediately, he was arrested and charged with transporting gulls across sedate lions for immortal porpoises.
Bubba was filling in a job application that included a creative writing assignment to use the words defeat, defense, and detail in the same sentence. He wrote this: A hunter was chasing a rabbit through a field. Just as it seemed the rabbit would escape it encountered a high fence. With the hunter approaching the rabbit had no choice and tried jumping but since it was standing still when it jumped it bumped the fence on the way up so of course, defeat went over defense before detail.
This is something that actually happened. My ma turned in to a funny.
After getting the ice cream from McDonald's we're waiting for the lady to bring us the nuts as they had none at the front. The lady comes back and says "Your nuts". My mother takes the packages and said. "I'm nuts? What gave it away?"
"Come listen to my story about Gabrielle, cute little gal who's lookin' really swell, perfect hair, such a lovely lass, nice round brests, and a firm young..." -Gabby.
Boudreaux and Thibodeaux worked together in a Louisiana factory and both were laid off because of the oil spill. So.....they went to the 'Unemployment Office' together.. They were both asked their occupations so clerk could determine total monies they get... Boudreaux said, "Panty stitcher. I sew da elastic onto da ladies cotton panties". The clerk looked up panty stitcher. Finding it classified as unskilled labor, she gave Boudreaux $300 a week in unemployment compensation... Thibodeaux, when asked his occupation replied, "Diesel fitter." So the clerk looked up diesel fitter.... and it was classified as a skilled job. So the clerk gave Thibodeaux $600 a week in unemployment compensation. When Boudreaux found this out, he was furious! He stormed back into the office to find out why his friend and 'co-worker' was collecting double his benefits. The clerk explained, "Panty stitchers are unskilled labor and diesel fitters are skilled labor, thats why he gets more money". "Wut skill?" yelled Boudreaux. "I sew da elastic on da panties. Thibodeaux puts dem over his head and says, "Yeah... DIESEL FITTER"...
Two Russians, a husband and wife, immigrated to the US just before the onset of winter. They got themselves a small apartment in Little Russia and had just settled in when the first storm arrived. Standing inside their apartment they began discussing the weather and an argument developed. He, claiming that it was snowing, and she insisting that it was a light rain or mist. Finally exasperated, the husband declared:
For Father's Day, we went cruising up and down the channel, so Hubs could show off his boat (eye-roll). It's just an aluminum 12 foot fishing boat, bought used by him and his friend, and fixed up so at least it floats, (our 10 foot hard-bottom inflatable once-red-but-faded-to-pink dinghy was just as showoffable). But Hubs is proud of the fishing boat. Cruising the channel, no matter what you're in is always fun, and this weekend was Harbor Fest, so there was a lot more than normal out-of-town boat traffic. Yachts, yachts, and more yachts, speedboats, and all manner of no expense spared boats. Hubs gets a kick out of asking them if they wanna race. It's a good thing boating people are a friendly sort.
One of the things I get a kick out of is reading the names of boats. Of course, I had my pen and paper. As a side note, one man on another boat saw me writing and yelled that in a boat was the perfect place to do work. Hubs yells back "She's an expiring writer." Uhm...Hubs, that would be aspiring.
Anyway....some of today's punny boat names.
Knot Deductible, Seas the Day, Knot on Call, Stocks n' Blondes, The Reel American Idle, and Reel Nauti. One of my all time favorites that has been here as long as I can remember, and probably decades before that...a dilapidated rusty old thing named 'Little Piece of Ship'.
A couple of names I thought were funny in a "huh" kind of way: 'Barking Turtle', and 'Yogurt Flies'.
Hubs and his friend's boat remains unnamed. Can't use "Warrior Princess"; that was the dinghy's name. Hubs kept coming up with unimaginative guy-sounding names. Pfft. My choices were "Naut a Real Boat" or considering the two owners when they get together and act like a couple of kids, "Minimal Minds".
Ummmmmm, you should tell hubs that once you've been published, you are no longer an 'aspiring' writer, but an actual bonafide writer. Getting paid doesn't make you any more of a writer, but it sure makes you feel like you are.
You _are_ a writer! Make him say it ten times while hopping on one foot and holding the other foot up behind his back.
I was working out in the gym the other day when I spotted a sweet young thing. I asked the trainer, "What machine in here should I use to impress that sweet thing over there?" The trainer looked me up and down and said, "I would try the ATM in the lobby." --------------------
Once upon a time in a land far away, a beautiful, independent, self-assured princess happened upon a frog as she sat contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle. The frog hopped into the princess' lap and said: "Elegant Lady, I was once a handsome prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me. One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper, young prince that I am and then, my sweet, we can marry and set up housekeeping in your castle with my mother, where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children, and forever feel grateful and happy doing so." That night, as the princess dined sumptuously on a repast of lightly sauted frog legs seasoned in a white wine and onion cream sauce, she chuckled and thought to herself, "I don't really think so."
Last Edit: Jul 20, 2011 18:22:14 GMT -6 by stepper