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Post by stepper on Jan 30, 2013 18:39:14 GMT -6
One of the pups in the collie's litter had a strange appetite. The odd youngster spurned regular dog food, no meaty tid-bits could tempt him and he hated dog biscuits.
Just in time to save the little dog's life, the owner found he would eat nothing but cantaloupes. He doted on them. His brother pups couldn't understand this and they teased him unmercifully. He became the butt of their pranks until his tail would droop and he would whimper and shiver in a corner.
His mother, trying to comfort him, called to him saying "Come to me, my melon collie baby."
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Post by Phalon on Jan 31, 2013 7:21:36 GMT -6
HA! I like that one...mainly because I thought the same pun recently.
So I'm doing a fund-raiser bazaar this weekend for Relay for Life. Since it's not the season for table arrangements, I'm taking my book stuff - some of the books from Mom's are just too far gone to even donate, so I've turned bits and pieces of them into cards, book-markers, and journals. I had some at one of the Christmas Bazaars and they did pretty well.
One of my favorite cards has a head-shot photo of a woman with a 40's hair-style, and a watermelon on her shoulder. I cut out a small photo of a collie from another picture, and put it atop the melon....
The inside reads: Helen didn't understand it, but could not shake feeling a little melon-collie lately.
I shamelessly crack myself up sometimes....which is why I probably shouldn't do this stuff late at night.
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Post by stepper on Jan 31, 2013 18:27:52 GMT -6
Now there's a coincidence for you. Me too!
The problem: There's a box with a hole at each end. There's a wonderfully soft, furry rabbit in the box. The rabbit sticks his head out of the hole in one end, and a minute later he sticks it out the other end. Half a minute later, his head appears at the opposite end, 15 seconds later it appears at the end opposite to that one, and 7-1/2 seconds later...and so on.
The question: How long will it take before the rabbit sticks its head out of both ends of the box at the same time?
The answer: In theory, two minutes. In practice, no answer is possible unless you split fine hares.
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Post by Phalon on Feb 1, 2013 6:15:28 GMT -6
What's that they say? There's no such thing as a new pun, just more punishment from hearing it again, and again.
Ok - so I just made that up, but I'm sure there's a variation of the same thing out there somewhere.
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Post by stepper on Feb 1, 2013 20:18:25 GMT -6
Puns are their own pun-ishment? No way!
Once upon a time in a far-off kingdom, there was a king who was fond of history and ancient things. He would collect historical objects, dress in royal threads from bygone eras, and generally try to live by ancient traditions.
One day the king issued a royal proclamation, as kings are wont to do now and then. Of course, he wrote the proclamation in a language from more than 200 years ago, rich in antiquated spellings, obsolete words and now-defunct verb forms.
The general population, of course, could make neither head nor tail of the proclamation. A vast legal muddle ensued. The courts, called upon to untangle the mess, pronounced a ruling that henceforth, all royal proclamations must be written in modern, currently accepted prose.
In other words, "We can't have archaic and edict too."
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Post by stepper on Apr 18, 2013 21:22:43 GMT -6
One winter, two ranchers built a skating rink in the middle of their pasture. A shepherd leading his flock decided to take a shortcut across the rink. The sheep, however, were afraid and wouldn't cross the slippery surface.
Desperate, the shepherd began tugging them to the other side.
"Look at that," remarked one of the ranchers, "That shepherd is trying to pull the wool over our ice!"
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Post by Phalon on Apr 21, 2013 4:36:47 GMT -6
HA! I sometimes wonder how puns can so simply ridiculous, but at the same time, so wonderfully funny.
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Post by stepper on Apr 21, 2013 17:10:41 GMT -6
I admit I don't know Phalon - all I can say is that I enjoy a good pun.
If Cher had a twin, would they be Cher and Cher-alike?
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Post by Phalon on Apr 22, 2013 6:07:23 GMT -6
I'm not sure, Stepper. I heard though, that she is finally cutting down on her big shows, lowering the ticket prices, and performing in smaller venues among farm animals and cotton-candy vendors. It's the Fair Cher Tour.
In her spare time, she's opened a massage parlor: it, of course, is called Cherub.
Ok, those were exceedingly bad. Give me a break; it's Monday morning.
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Post by stepper on Apr 22, 2013 16:11:13 GMT -6
Oh no. I like the Cher-rub!
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Post by Phalon on Apr 23, 2013 6:11:56 GMT -6
You, and I'm sure many others, especially Sonny during those I've Got You Babe days. Of course, back then he was the major Cher-holder.
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Post by Spock on Apr 23, 2013 9:40:15 GMT -6
... he was the major Cher-holder. But not the only one!?
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Post by stepper on Apr 23, 2013 21:02:50 GMT -6
This girl came up to me today and said she recognized me from vegetarian club.
I was confused, I'd never met herbivore.
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Post by scamp on Jun 16, 2013 1:14:38 GMT -6
I've always loved the Eurythmics, especially this hit:
Sweet dreams are made of cheese Who am I to diss a brie I travel the world for a cheddar cheese Everybody’s lookin’ for feta Some of them want smoked Gouda Some of them want a big gooey fondue
ouch, that even hurt me... scamp
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Post by Phalon on Jun 16, 2013 7:01:32 GMT -6
Gouda one, Scamp! Annie Lennox and cheese - sweet dreams, indeed.
Marilyn Manson though, had to go and turn it into a nightmare with his Limburger version of it. Stinky!
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Post by stepper on Jun 16, 2013 11:19:42 GMT -6
Wow - that's a good one Scamp!
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Post by scamp on Jun 16, 2013 23:02:17 GMT -6
Gouda one, Scamp! Annie Lennox and cheese - sweet dreams, indeed. BOLL. And I'm way pleased to have made you and Step laugh. Since I'm off for the summer, I've been rethinking some of my lectures. I just re-wrote my lecture on Japan’s warrior literature. It's a pretty long lecture, but I can samurais it for you. Puns are also known as paronomasia. Just thought I’d throw that in and conflate two threads. See word o’ day or getting wordy or whatever it is called thread. scamp, wreaking havoc as usual
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Post by stepper on Jun 17, 2013 17:18:44 GMT -6
Ya know, that sounds like a Mae West word. (In my best Mae West falsetto...) "Why don't 'cha come up and....conflate me some time?" See? Of couse, SHE could have said boondoggle and it would have had the same meaning, but c'mon, doesn't sound sort of Mae Westish??
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Post by scamp on Jun 25, 2013 1:16:30 GMT -6
Ya know, that sounds like a Mae West word. (In my best Mae West falsetto...) "Why don't 'cha come up and....conflate me some time?" See? Of couse, SHE could have said boondoggle and it would have had the same meaning, but c'mon, doesn't sound sort of Mae Westish?? I'd like to see me pull off anything even vaguely hinting at that kind of Mae Westish sensuality. Can't even imagine it. So I thought I'd abuse you by posting my puny Getting Wordy pun here instead.... The formal word to describe a pun is paronomasia, a word taken directly from the Hellenistic period. From Latin-Koine paronomasia, from Ancient Greek παρονομασία (paronomasia, from παρα- (para, alongside) + ὀνομασία (onomasia, “naming”) which somehow morphs into “to alter slightly in naming,” which, in turn, morphs into “pun.” In other words, a pun is its own reword. ouch.
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Post by Phalon on Jul 2, 2013 6:12:55 GMT -6
Been meaning to get back to this...
...cuz I like it. It made me laugh, you paronomasist, you. Paronamasigist? Paronamasiaer? Paron my English.
You just did. Mae West was famous for her play on words, yes?
How about "When I'm good I'm very good, but when I'm bad I'm better."
What? She wasn't talking about puns?
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Post by stepper on Jul 2, 2013 20:45:13 GMT -6
I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.
It isn't what I do, but how I do it. It isn't what I say, but how I say it, and how I look when I do it and say it. Mae West
I think you're right Phalon - she was talking about her puns.
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Post by scamp on Jul 11, 2013 3:58:26 GMT -6
Been meaning to get back to this... ...cuz I like it. It made me laugh, you paronomasist, you. Paronamasigist? Paronamasiaer? Paron my English. You just did. Mae West was famous for her play on words, yes? How about "When I'm good I'm very good, but when I'm bad I'm better." What? She wasn't talking about puns? She wasn't?!?!?? Sez who?? And now a neo-Mae West pun: there are only 2 four letter words that offend all men, unless, of course, they're used together; "stop" and "don't." With all apologies for the inherent sexism in that... I told you I couldn't do Mae West... scamp
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Post by stepper on Oct 10, 2013 18:48:23 GMT -6
Deleted quote from Alien:
"I can't open the milk!"
"In space, no-one can. Here, use cream."
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Post by Phalon on Oct 11, 2013 6:17:36 GMT -6
I read it; I didn't get it. I mulled it over for a minute. I still didn't get it. I went about my morning routine, and suddenly it came to me without even thinking about it in a way that only could be described as getting caught in a meatier shower: it hit me upside the head like a frozen slab of beef.
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Post by stepper on Oct 11, 2013 18:55:24 GMT -6
I'm surprised the slab didn't hit you immediately, but I'm glad you got it. It was new to me and I just had to share.
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Post by Mini Mia on Oct 11, 2013 20:45:15 GMT -6
Well it hasn't hit me up side the head yet. I get that the milk would be frozen in space, but I would think cream would be too?
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Post by stepper on Oct 11, 2013 20:52:23 GMT -6
Oh my. Shall I explain?
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Post by Mini Mia on Oct 11, 2013 20:53:52 GMT -6
It seems you're going to have to. My head's all full of the upgrade and the messes I need to clean up.
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Post by Phalon on Oct 11, 2013 21:12:57 GMT -6
Take out all the punctuation, Joxie, and say it out loud.
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Post by stepper on Oct 11, 2013 21:38:38 GMT -6
Read the last line - quickly.
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