|
Post by Scrappy Amazon on Nov 30, 2004 22:45:48 GMT -6
Disclaimer:None of this is meant to offend. It's just a little harmless fun of an overactive imagination....... I have of late been singing Christmas music. For obvious reasons. Just thought I'd share. Anyone who wants to post one of their own please feel free.
|
|
|
Post by Scrappy Amazon on Nov 30, 2004 22:46:59 GMT -6
O HOLY COW Oh Holy Cow My udders are slightly swinging It is the night of our dear maids milking Long have I waited in pain and ever pining Till she appeared and the milking was begun A thrill of hope that my full udders be drain’ed For yonder she comes with bucket and stool in hand
Fall on your knees Oh please milk me please Oh milkmaid divine Oh the night when once you came Oh milk Oh milkmaid divine
|
|
|
Post by Phalon on Nov 30, 2004 23:29:39 GMT -6
You have udderly lost it, Dear Scrappy.
|
|
|
Post by Scrappy Amazon on Nov 30, 2004 23:39:26 GMT -6
Wait for it....more coming.... ;D
|
|
|
Post by Phalon on Nov 30, 2004 23:42:41 GMT -6
Udder. (shudder)
|
|
|
Post by Scrappy Amazon on Nov 30, 2004 23:44:10 GMT -6
MWAHAHAHA!
|
|
|
Post by irenetheserene on Dec 2, 2004 19:27:18 GMT -6
OMGS! [/font] How did you ever come up with that subject for that song? ;D Irene
|
|
|
Post by Scrappy Amazon on Dec 2, 2004 20:55:46 GMT -6
It's an ancient chinese secret......ok just kidding. Product of my warped imagination. Here comes another. This one was a little rushed so not nearly up to my usual standard.......hope you all enjoy anyway. And please....anyone who wants to contribute please feel free. Fleck The Walls
Fleck the walls with sugar cookies Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la 'Tis the season to be baking Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la Don we now our ugly aprons Fa-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la. Troll the ancient cookbook pages Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la.
See the mixer shine before us. Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la Turn it up and sneak some egg nog. Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la Follow it with a big Jack Daniels. Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la While we sing in drunken measure. Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la
Fast away the cookies are baking. Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la Hail the drunken, lads and lasses Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la See the cookies on the ceiling. Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la Cheer another year of baking! Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la Coming soon to a post near you........Rusty the Plumber sure to be a crowd pleaser.
|
|
|
Post by Xena's Loyal Slave on Dec 2, 2004 21:38:10 GMT -6
O HOLY COW Oh Holy Cow My udders are slightly swinging It is the night of our dear maids milking Long have I waited in pain and ever pining Till she appeared and the milking was begun A thrill of hope that my full udders be drain’ed For yonder she comes with bucket and stool in hand
Fall on your knees Oh please milk me please Oh milkmaid divine Oh the night when once you came Oh milk Oh milkmaid divine
Brings to mind a picture of Xena in OAHAF in that cute mini-dress.
|
|
|
Post by Phalon on Dec 2, 2004 21:42:13 GMT -6
And that, is exactly why I don't bake.
|
|
|
Post by Scrappy Amazon on Dec 2, 2004 21:55:27 GMT -6
Me too.......hence the song I think it was christmas 99'. Too funny.
|
|
|
Post by Gabbin on Dec 2, 2004 22:22:23 GMT -6
We wish you a hairy Christmas, we wish you a hairy Christmas, we wish you a hairy Christmas, and a Happy Nude Year.
|
|
|
Post by irenetheserene on Dec 3, 2004 7:56:09 GMT -6
CHRISTMAS SHOPPING [/center][/i] /me Jingle Bells Driving to the store In an old Chevy Cavelier Park outside in the lot Trip on my scarf at the door Toys are too high on the shelves Have to get a ladder Oh what fun it is to shop At this special time of year
'Oh' Christmas shopping, Christmans shopping Shopping all dam day Oh what fun it is to shop With the whole family today 'hey' Christmas shopping, Christmas shopping shopping all dam day Oh what fun it is to shop With the whole family today
Every store we go You can guarantee I want to yell: "Go blow" It just all gets to me Nerves are shot its true Snot faced kids piled in our cart Daddy decides to cut a fart It's such a lovely time of year
'Oh' Christmas shopping, Christmans shopping Shopping all dam day Oh what fun it is to shop With the whole family today 'hey' Christmas shopping, Christmas shopping shopping all dam day Oh what fun it is to shop With the whole family today
|
|
AresGirl
Whooshite Apprentice
Helllloooooooooo XENA!
Posts: 235
|
Post by AresGirl on Dec 4, 2004 6:20:51 GMT -6
There used to a be Rudolph one, but I've since forgotten it...
|
|
|
Post by Phalon on Dec 4, 2004 23:58:00 GMT -6
|
|
|
Post by Gabbin on Dec 10, 2004 23:26:15 GMT -6
Oh carrot tree, carrot tree, how beautiful your bunches.
Your tuber, so green in summertime, turns slowly orange in wintertime,
Oh carrot tree, carrot tree, forever yummy your branches.
I just made that up: impressive, no?
|
|
|
Post by Scrappy Amazon on Dec 10, 2004 23:34:39 GMT -6
Very......... ;D
|
|
|
Post by Phalon on Dec 12, 2004 22:08:23 GMT -6
I'm dreaming of a Lite Christmas, Just like the ones I used to know; where the calories are missin', And thighs and hips listen, when told not to turn to dough.
I'm dreaming of a Lite Christmas, with every dessert that I bite. May your rear be skinny and tight. And may all your Christmas' be Lite.
|
|
|
Post by Xie on Dec 13, 2004 22:25:07 GMT -6
Thanks for keeping your song on the lite side- it was great! The only problem is it wasn't very filling - I want more! So give us another taste of what you can do!
|
|
|
Post by Phalon on Dec 14, 2004 7:26:19 GMT -6
Hey Xie. You've always said I've got no taste in music. Unpalatable even, like my cooking. I'm still waiting after all these years for Iron Maiden's Tribute to Bing Crosby to be released. I think I'll be waiting for quite a while longer though, so in the meantime I'll see what I can cook up.
|
|
|
Post by Scrappy Amazon on Dec 14, 2004 17:03:10 GMT -6
I'm still working on Rusty the Plumber. However, after the last incident, I may put that one aside.
|
|
|
Post by Joxcenia on Dec 14, 2004 17:06:53 GMT -6
You can post it in a thread on the Adult Tavern Board.... whenever you guys come up with a name for it.
|
|
|
Post by Scrappy Amazon on Dec 14, 2004 17:30:16 GMT -6
Maybe we should open it up for a vote?
|
|
|
Post by Joxcenia on Dec 14, 2004 17:32:30 GMT -6
Sure... go ahead... have members make suggestions... then vote on 8 of the best...
|
|
|
Post by Scrappy Amazon on Dec 20, 2004 14:27:30 GMT -6
Have another......this one's not mine by the way.
Twelve days - Revised Policy
Effective immediately, the following economizing measures are being implemented in the "Twelve Days of Christmas" subsidiary:
1) The partridge will be retained, but the pear tree, which never produced the cash crop forecasted, will be replaced by a plastic hanging plant, providing considerable savings in maintenance
2) Two turtle doves represent a redundancy that is simply not cost effective. In addition, their romance during working hours could not be condoned. The positions are, therefore, eliminated
3) The three French hens will remain intact. After all, everyone loves the French
4) The four calling birds will be replaced by an automated voice mail system, with a call waiting option. An analysis is underway to determine who the birds have been calling, how often and how long they talked.
5) The five golden rings have been put on hold by the Board of Directors. Maintaining a portfolio based on one commodity could have negative implications for institutional investors. Diversification into other precious metals, as well as a mix of T-Bills and high technology stocks, appear to be in order
6) The six geese-a-laying constitutes a luxury which can no longer be afforded. It has long been felt that the production rate of one egg per goose per day was an example of the general decline in productivity. Three geese will be let go, and an upgrading in the selection procedure by personnel will assure management that, from now on, every goose it gets will be a good one
7) The seven swans-a-swimming is obviously a number chosen in better times. The function is primarily decorative. Mechanical swans are on order. The current swans will be retrained to learn some new strokes, thereby enhancing their outplacement
8) As you know, the eight maids-a-milking concept has been under heavy scrutiny by the EEOC. A male/female balance in the workforce is being sought. The more militant maids consider this a dead-end job with no upward mobility. Automation of the process may permit the maids to try a-mending, a-mentoring or a-mulching
9) Nine ladies dancing has always been an odd number. This function will be phased out as these individuals grow older and can no longer do the steps
10) Ten Lords-a-leaping is overkill. The high cost of Lords, plus the expense of international air travel, prompted the Compensation Committee to suggest replacing this group with ten out-of-work congressmen. While leaping ability may be somewhat sacrificed, the savings are significant as we expect an oversupply of unemployed congressmen this year
11) Eleven pipers piping and twelve drummers drumming is a simple case of the band getting too big. A substitution with a string quartet, a cutback on new music, and no uniforms, will produce savings which will drop right to the bottom line
Overall we can expect a substantial reduction in assorted people, fowl, animals and related expenses. Though incomplete, studies indicate that stretching deliveries over twelve days is inefficient. If we can drop ship in one day, service levels will be improved.
Regarding the lawsuit filed by the attorney's association seeking expansion to include the legal profession ("thirteen lawyers-a-suing"), a decision is pending.
Deeper cuts may be necessary in the future to remain competitive. Should that happen, the Board will request management to scrutinize the Snow White Division to see if seven dwarfs is the right number.
|
|
|
Post by ilb on Dec 20, 2004 17:06:51 GMT -6
joxie...if this isnt pg let me know and i'll post it at the dreams of illusia. warning...some foul language <--click pic for link
|
|
|
Post by Joxcenia on Dec 20, 2004 20:52:02 GMT -6
I do know that the ProBoards staff allow a little bit of bad words here and there... and you have a 13-year-old... so if you wouldn't let her listen to this, then it should go into the adult group. Add a warning to it that it contains a bit of foul language, and then if a parent of a 13-year-old complains, it will then go to the adult group.
|
|
|
Post by ilb on Dec 20, 2004 21:37:49 GMT -6
thanx joxie...
i let my 13 yr old hear it... she cracked up....
|
|
|
Post by Joxcenia on Dec 20, 2004 21:48:06 GMT -6
You're welcome...
Your daughter had answered one of my posts, so I knew you had a 13-year-old... kind of figured you wouldn't have posted it if you didn't want her hearing it.
|
|
|
Post by Scrappy Amazon on Dec 31, 2004 0:00:43 GMT -6
Holiday Eating Tips
1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.
2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-malt scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than single-malt scotch. You can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-aholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!
3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.
4. Check Out The Mashed Potatoes. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.
5. No Snacking. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?
6. Don't Waste Time Exercising. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.
7. Get What You Can. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.
8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or, if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?
9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.
10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Reread tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.
Remember this motto to live by: "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!" Have an amazing day!
|
|