Humor?

[Spock]

A New Supermarket
A new supermarket opened locally. It has an automatic water mister to keep produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the distant sound of thunder and the smell of fresh rain.

When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows moo and you experience the scent of freshly cut hay.

In the meat department there is the aroma of charcoal grilled steaks.

In the liquor department, the fresh, clean, crisp smell of tapped Miller Lite.

When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying.

The bread department features the tantalizing smell of freshly baked bread & cookies.

I don't buy toilet paper there anymore.

[Phalon]

Humor with a question mark? I thought it was funny.

But then again....

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Queen.

Queen who?

Queen my dishes, please.

That ATT commercial....it cracks me up every time.

[Spock]

I recently (well, within the last couple of years anyway) combined most of my collected joke files into a single PDF. Right now version 1.0 is 359 pages long. If anyone wants a copy, PM me an email address I can use to send it. The email address can be a throw-away address if you want, I don't plan on using it for anything else.

Here's the first one:
A Fishy Story
Jumbo Joke: www.jumbojoke.com/a_fishy_story.html

It was the perfect day for a little fishing, but after a while I ran out of bait.

Then a few feet up the shore I saw a snake with a frog in his mouth, and frogs are good bass bait.

Knowing the snake couldn't bite me with the frog in his mouth, I grabbed him right behind the head, took the frog and put it in my bait bucket.

Now the dilemma was how to release the snake without getting bit.

After thinking about it for awhile, I had an idea: I grabbed my bottle of whiskey (hey, don't laugh: it's the best part of fishing!) and poured a little whiskey in its mouth.

Sure enough, his eyes rolled back, he went limp, and I released him without incident. I carried on my fishing with the frog. Caught a big bass, too!

A couple hours later I felt something brush my leg. I looked down and there was that same snake looking up at me. He had two frogs in his mouth.

[Spock]

[Spock]

I was eating breakfast with my 10-year-old Granddaughter and I asked her, "What day is tomorrow?"

Without skipping a beat she said, "It's Presidents Day!"

She's smart, so I asked her, "What does Presidents Day mean?" I was waiting for something about Obama, Bush, or Clinton, etc.

She replied, "Presidents Day is when the President steps out of the White House, and if he sees his shadow, we have another year of hogwash."

You know, it hurts when hot coffee spurts out your nose!

[stepper]

We're on the same joke e-mail cycles!

[Spock]

There is a joke cycle? Fascinating.

[stepper]

There is a joke cycle?

Yes, but the problem is that humor comes in limited quantities so in 7 years you'll start re-receiving the same jokes and cartoons. Sometimes it happens more frequently.

[Spock]

7 years? Ah, kind of like ...

[stepper]

Mostly like a seven year itch.