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Post by Mini Mia on Sept 3, 2011 18:44:27 GMT -6
Anyone got any interesting stories about sexual harassment? Something that happened to you, or you saw it happening to others around you? I'm working on a book about sexual harassment. It's more along the lines of a humorous piece, not something serious, or political, etc.
I might or might not use what you share with me in the book. If you don't wish to post it out in the open, you can PM the stories to me. Or email them to me at: Joxcenia(at)msn(dot)com.
Can use Internet username only ... or include real name, town/city, state, etc. Whatever you're comfortable with. Also add if it's okay to include your name, town/city, state, etc. (If not okay to attach to stories, then is it okay to be used for the 'thank you' acknowledgement page?)
Thanks for your help.
Update: I'm not making fun of sexual harassment. I'm taking the dumb things the jerks do/say and coming up with snarky comments/reactions that will hopefully be funny. Like books about 'come on' lines that some people use, that are so ridiculous who'd even fall for them? And mostly what I've used from what I've seen, is less sexual harassment, and more just sexual chattering that goes on from time to time.
NOW ... after starting this thread, I've decided that I should also put together a serious book about sexual harassment. Or let Phalon do it. Or we both could do it together. 
And as stated above, let me know if I can use your name, city/town, state, etc. with the stories you share ... or just add your name to the 'thanks/acknowledgements' page.
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Post by Phalon on Sept 3, 2011 20:44:15 GMT -6
Can you elaborate a bit more on how you intend to use the information, Joxie? To the majority (if not all) who experience sexual harassment, it is indeed a serious topic, and not a humorous one.
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Post by Mini Mia on Sept 3, 2011 21:50:35 GMT -6
It's sort a 'what not to do' thing. Or a 'what do you do if such and such happens?' Basically, it deals with snarky comebacks for various situations.
When I worked at a speaker factory, the women would bring men into sexual conversations, and then cry foul whenever these same men later made sexual comments out of the blue. No doubt the men had felt like it was okay, since it was something that was okay before, but the women would not be of the same mind and would report the guy/s to the boss. Anyhoo ... part of the book is that men can't start a sexual conversation, even if the women brought it up before. It's just goofy stuff that popped into my head as I watched all of it go on. I mean, there had been some really dumb things done and said, and my warped imagination turned a lot of it around and turned it into goofy, humorous crap.
Such as:
One day this guy was fixing something that had broken down, and he was between me and another female co-worker. She leaned over to him and cooed in his ear, "I just love the smell of a man first thing in the morning." And I leaned over to him and cooed in his other ear, "And I just love the sound of bullshit first thing in the morning." Then he jumped back and said it was time for him to leave. 
What is told to me can be serious, but I intend to pick out things that I can make fun of. The above will be in the book. It will be sort of a questionnaire with a snarky comment list of answers. That doesn't mean that I can't put the stories into a more serious book as well. If there is enough of them, then there could be two books out of this.
Question: What do you say when a co-worker leans over and whispers in your ear: "I just love the smell of a man/woman first thing in the morning."
Do you say:
[__] "blah blah blah"
[__] "yadda yadda yadda"
[__] "And I just love the sound of bullshit first thing in the morning."
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Post by stepper on Sept 3, 2011 22:03:45 GMT -6
My first reaction would be something like "How would you know, you've obviously not been around one."
The problem is that there is no equality. The guy is always guilty until proven innocent and there will always be some who refuse to believe the guy is innocent. It's a stacked deck. Of course there are real situations and they must be dealt with, but looking for humor is difficult. About the only thing you can go with is miscommunications.
I think Phalon was saying the real thing isn't funny at all and that makes it a difficult subject. The movie 9 to 5 was contrived but that's about the only way to find humor. Harassment is like bullying.
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Post by Mini Mia on Sept 3, 2011 22:25:19 GMT -6
My first reaction would be something like "How would you know, you've obviously not been around one."
Oh, trust me, she's been around ... and around ... and around ... and around. And I've no doubt she was seriously requesting his presence on any morning he might care to sleep over.
Trust me. I know a lot of the men were only carrying on what the women had started long ago. I'd seen the guys be on their best behavior until the women dragged them into the conversations, and then of course they let down their guards and considered the topic okay to bring up at a later date. Unfortunately, men do not get to be the first to broach the subject, or they'll be brought up on charges. Even when it's just a clear case of joking.
Well, maybe I'm not going about this in the right way. I'm clearly not out to make fun of the serious ones ... I'm not quite sure how to explain what I want.  As you can see from my example, I'm only after stupid sexual comments made by co-workers. 
Well, I'll leave this for now. If it goes awry, I'll lock it and move it to archives.
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Post by stepper on Sept 3, 2011 22:40:10 GMT -6
The only instance I can give you is that I was accused of harassing someone. I worked at a job where we monitored programs and if they aborted we were called first. We decided if the program had to be corrected that night and who to call in if required. The lady I called in was responsible for the program that aborted, but she was upset that I called her in. The next morning she filed a complaint against me and my section. Nothing came of the complaint other than being told she had complained because people knew my reputation, but she got what she wanted - removed from on call duty. There have been conversations that went the other way and were humorous, but they were also too graphic for Whoosh.
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Post by Mini Mia on Sept 3, 2011 22:53:21 GMT -6
The only instance I can give you is that I was accused of harassing someone. I worked at a job where we monitored programs and if the aborted we were called first. We decided if the program had to be corrected that night and who to call in if required. The lady I called in was responsible for the program that aborted, but she was upset that I called her in. The next morning she filed a complaint against me and my section. Nothing came of the complaint other than being told she had complained because people knew my reputation, but she got what she wanted - removed from on call duty.
It is a shame that some women abuse this policy. It's also a shame that some innocent people get punished, and some guilty people get off. I'm all for getting rid of sexual harassment, and women should get punished when they clearly were the ones to start a sexual conversation. And I guess, men need to learn that just because they get dragged into one sexual conversation started by women, does not mean they can start a new sexual conversation at a different point in time. Men must _always_ be invited into a preexisting sexual conversation, before it is okay to chat about sex with female co-workers. (Or the men can do payback and go to the boss the second they're brought into the conversation. Of course, they'll be in the wrong even then.  )
Which is why I added that I could be PMed or eMailed.
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Post by Phalon on Sept 3, 2011 22:56:54 GMT -6
I can sort of see where you're going with this. My first gut-reaction was it's not a humorous topic. I was sexually harassed by a superior while I was stationed overseas; we lived in a co-ed barracks, shared co-ed restrooms, and laundry facilities. The guy lived in the room next to mine. The harassment went on for nearly a year; going to our commanding officer just made it worse. Only when I ended my overseas tour of duty did it stop...and only for a short time. About a year after I was statewide, and after I met Hubs, the guy got transferred to the same command! He worked with Hubs, and though I had no dealings with him whatsoever, Hubs got more than an earful. When Hubs blew it off, the guy turned his harassment on Hubs in the form of trying to undermine his work. Horrible thing about the whole situation was the guy and I were really good friends for a long time before this all started. I guess he wanted more than friendship, and when I declined, he got p!ssed. I think it became a game for him to see how miserable he could make me.
Then there was my stalker in Philadelphia who plagued me for two years.
And the Peeping Tom's visits over a two-year period while we lived in Kentucky.
Oh, yes, I've attracted the attention of a lot of weirdos throughout the years. I must have some kind of magnet attached to me. At least it seems to have only a two-year at a time shelf life.
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Post by stepper on Sept 3, 2011 23:00:28 GMT -6
Is that equality?
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Post by Mini Mia on Sept 3, 2011 23:07:38 GMT -6
No. It isn't. And it isn't fair. I watched it go on, and I felt sorry for the men when they got into trouble. I mostly saw it from a distance, so I had no close up view in order to be able to go to the boss and say just how it happened. I would have though if it happened right next to me. Like if the guy had gone to the bosses about what was whispered into his ear by the other co-worker. I was right there, and I could have confirmed she started it.
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Post by Mini Mia on Sept 3, 2011 23:11:59 GMT -6
Phalon: Sorry about what you went through. I never really saw any 'real' sexual harassment at work. Just the men joking when they felt they had the okay to do so, and the women taking offense, when they clearly started it. And that is what I was going for with this thread.
However, after starting this thread, I did decide to create a more serious book should I get enough stories to add to one. Or, since you have more experience with that, you can do the serious book, and I do the humorous one. I'll share what I get with you to use. Let me know.
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Post by Phalon on Sept 5, 2011 5:59:07 GMT -6
Ah, it's all water under the bridge, or whatever saying means it was a long time ago, and I'm over it. I even take showers with the lights on now, (eye-roll).
Gotcha...the old double-standard, or what's good for the goose is good for the gander as long as the gander doesn't goose the goose. (I really should leave these old sayings alone.)
HA! You're kidding, yes? I can't even get a few simple short things done. Have time to write a book? Dang, I'm at a loss for a saying that fits here....hmmm.... How about 'when pigs fly'.
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Post by Mini Mia on Sept 5, 2011 19:29:16 GMT -6
Well, I added an update to my original post ... and I mentioned that we could work on it together if you'd like. So far, I've got no PMs or emails, so I may just have to use my own experiences ... or observations, as it were, since I never crossed the line and had the line crossed with me.
I guess I'll leave this thread for a week and then just get rid of it.
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Post by Mini Mia on Sept 7, 2011 16:35:05 GMT -6
I seem to have screwed this up. Completely messed up what I was going for, so I guess it's time to lock up and move to archive.
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