Revision - Editing Your Work

[Joxcenia]

Words To Consider Avoiding

ORDINARY words drain energy from sentences. Use active words to show instead of tell.

Example: She was so mad.

Better: She threw the book across the room.

Passive verbs make weak sentences. Use active verbs and avoid forms of the verb "to be."

Example: The sun was shining.

Better: The sun shone brightly.

Other examples of passive verbs are: am, are, could, had, had been, has, have, is, should and were.

Don't weaken sentences by starting them with "And," "But," "So," "Suddenly," "There is/are" or "Well."

Stay away from words ending in "ing" when used with passive verbs.

Example: Bill was running.

Better: Bill ran.

Replace "ly" words with stronger verbs.

Example: Kim worked slowly on her homework.

Better: Kim dawdled over her homework.

-- Carol Iverson (page 40 - The Writer Magazine - June 2007)

[Joxcenia]

Stephen King: I took my fair share of English Lit classes in my two remaining years at Lisbon, and my fair share of composition, fiction, and poetry classes in college, but John Gould taught me more than any of them, and in no more than ten minutes. I wish I still had the piece--it deserves to be framed, editorial corrections and all--but I can remember pretty well how it went and how it looked after Gould had combed through it with that black pen of his. Here's an example:

Last night, in the well-loved gymnasium of Lisbon High School, partisans and Jay Hills fans alike were stunned by an athletic performance unequalled in school history. Bob Ransom, known as "Bullet" Bob for both his size and accuracy scored thirty-seven points. Yes, you heard me right. Plus [H]he did it with grace, speed . . . and with an odd courtesy as well, committing only two personal fouls in his knight-like quest for a record which has eluded Lisbon thinclads [players] since the years of Korea [1953]. . .

Gould stopped at "the years of Korea" and looked up at me. "What year was the last record made?" he asked.

Luckily, I had my notes. "1953," I said. Gould grunted and went back to work.

"When you write a story, you're telling yourself the story," he said. "When you rewrite, your main job is taking out all the things that are not the story."

---

On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft

by Stephen King

www.goodreads.com/book/show/10569.On_Writing

www.goodreads.com/author/show/3389.Stephen_King

[Joxcenia]

Original Sentence:

Now is the time for all good men to come to the aid of their country.

The above sentence might have gone through various rewrites before ending up in this final version. Below, I've created some possible discarded variations:

• It is now time for all good, decent and patriotic citizens to come to the defense of this glorious new government that we have set up for free citizenship without fear of blue blood dictatorship.

• Time has come for all good countrymen to come to the aid of this grand country that we are liberating from an overbearing ruler.

• These are the days when every armed, willing, able-bodied male should take up his weapon of choice to use in defense of the continual freedom of this new government that will give freedom to all.

So... if you don't like what you've written... rework the sentences.... don't like the second version... rework the sentences... do this over and over again, until you either like what you've written... or stick it in a drawer, folder, box.... whatever... and get it out again a week, month/s, year/s later and see if you can polish it with a new perspective.

REMEMBER: Whatever you've written, isn't carved in stone... and can be rewritten for as long as you feel like working on it. (Unless you happen to be someone who engraves on stone. In which case, sorry... can't help ya! )

"The secret to writing well is practice---actual writing experience. In general, the more you write, the better a writer you will become."

The No-Experience-Necessary Writer's Course by: Scott Edelstein

[Joxcenia]

AutoCrit.com

[Joxcenia]

The Writer Magazine - August 2006 - page 20-23

Interview: The power of revision


Using a patient process of polishing her fiction and letting it 'ferment,' Mary Yukari Waters has crafted emotionally rich short stories that capture the aura of another era.


Sarah Anne Johnson: Once you get a draft of a story, how do you go about revising it into a final manuscript?

Mary Yukari Waters: I do two things, both of which require patience. The first is to revise many, many, many times. I literally lose count. The second is to never be in a hurry to finish it up and send it out, even when I think it's a good-enough piece. My best ideas always come after the story has been sitting around for a bit, maybe several months. Giving yourself long stretches of time between revisions allows your ideas to "ferment."

A lot of writers skip this phase because it doesn't seem necessary; their ideas are perfectly good already, and they have a deadline, they're in a rush. I think that's too bad because this "fermenting" period is the most mysterious and interesting part of the whole creative process. So much is happening in the subconscious (albeit slowly): Parallels are being drawn, connections are being made, past experiences are rising up from memory to further inform the piece.

Time allows you to go deeper than you thought you could; time allows you to come up with new insights that surprise you and make you realize that we do, indeed, use only 10 percent of our brains. I think it accounts for that slight difference between a story that's merely good and a story that's memorable.

. . . .

Sarah Anne Johnson: What are some of the mistakes you learned from?

Mary Yukari Waters: There've been so many. I guess one thing I've gotten over is feeling that I had to "fix" my writing every time I received constructive criticism. It's perfectly OK to listen to workshop comments or editor comments and not end up making any major changes. Sometimes a comment can be perfectly intelligent and come from a highly respected source, but it still might not be right for your story. Of course, brand new writers will want to trust others more and themselves less, since they often lack the experience and the discrimination to be objective about their own flaws. But as writers advance in their craft, it becomes more and more important to be comfortable making those difficult "executive" decisions about their own work, instead of reacting blindly to others' opinions.

Sarah Anne Johnson: What would you say to a new writer working on his or her first stories or a novel?

Mary Yukari Waters: Take your time, and be true to yourself. Don't feel that you have to run around chasing "connections" and "people who can help you." Spend that time improving your writing instead. Good, authentic writing has its own magnetic power, which can attract an audience far better than you and your networking can.

[Joxcenia]

The Writer Magazine - August 2006 - page 33

The scene through a character's eyes

• NOTE THE difference when a scene is experienced as the character lived it.

Problem

The story opens with a woman coming home from work. We're told how the house smells and what's playing on the radio. But the passage below is lifeless and the verbs are passive.

• Janci opened the door. The house smelled like fried fish and was cold. Bluegrass music was playing on the radio.

Solution

Readers want to experience the scene through a character---to live it with her. The passage comes alive when we walk inside with Janci and follow her thoughts and reactions, rather than watch her from afar.

• Janci smelled the fried fish even before she opened the back door. She slipped inside to find a platter piled with cold flounder. Where was Jaybird? She shivered. Did he forget to turn up the heat when he got home? Tossing her purse and keys on the table, she headed down the hall toward the bluegrass playing on the radio in the bedroom
  
  ---Betty Wilson Beamguard

[Joxcenia]

The Writer Magazine - August 2006 - page 13

Root out your wishy-washy verbs


Avoid nouns proliferation. If your subject is a noun ending in "-tion," a strong verb may be buried inside. Find the strong verb, then make it even stronger.

• Weak: The destruction of the levees by floodwaters happened overnight.

• Strong: Floodwaters destroyed the levees overnight.

• Stronger: Flood waters obliterated the levees overnight.

• Weak: An examination of the witness was conducted by the defense lawyers.

• Strong: Defense lawyers examined the witness.

• Stronger: Defense lawyers ambushed the witness.

Put a subject in the picture. Don't just name an action. First say whodunit, then beef up the verb.

• Weak: The burning of the flag was the work of protesters.

• Strong: Protesters burned the flag.

• Stronger: Protesters torched the flag.

• Weak: The couple's argument was carried on in sign language.

• Strong: The couple argued in sign language.

• Stronger: The couple bickered in sign language.

Replace empty verbs. If a verb needs help to tell what or how, get a stronger one. Then goose it!

• Weak: The victim experienced a loss of blood.

• Strong: The victim lost blood.

• Stronger: The victim bled.

A weak verb is a lost opportunity. Don't let another one slip by.

[Joxcenia]

Excerpt:

Page No Longer Available:

http[://]www[.]editorrr.com/writing_tips-techniques[.]html#simpletricks


Simple Tricks

Here are five simple tricks that can help give your prose energy, pace, and a good, crisp feel.

1. Use the Find feature on your word processor and search for the word "that" (without the quotes, but type a space after the word or choose "Find whole words only). Eliminate every one you can (I could have said "every one that you can" but, you see, "that" wasn't needed). You'll be surprised at how many can go, though I've found a few need to stick around.
2. Use Find again and search for "ing" (no quotes). You'll likely find it paired up with a form of the verb to be, usually "was," as in "He was desperately trying to get her attention." These are passive forms, and the more active past tense will be livelier (although the "ing" form is good for what I think of as "process" action). The example sentence would be better as "He tried desperately to get her attention."
3. Search for "was" (space after, or whole word selected). You may find constructions such as "He was tempted by the doughnut." Look for a way to turn the verb around. For example, "The doughnut tempted him." is much more active by getting rid of the "was." Rid your prose of as many forms of the "to be" verb as you can by switching subject and object, etc.
4. Hunt down adverbs and kill them off. Use verbs to do the job. In the example above, while "He tried desperately to get her attention." was an improvement, "He fought to get her attention." or "He struggled to get her attention." or "He strained to get her attention." sound to me like better writing.
5. Go on an adjective hunt and take as many out as you can. For example, this phrase, " The old church is a small rectangular building." can become "The old church is small." Most churches are buildings, and most are rectangular—the reader fills in that stuff.

So zap your thats, whack your ings, eliminate your wases, and banish your adjectives and adverbs for lively writing.

---

Self-Editing Tips

Page No Longer Available:

http[://]www[.]writetightnow[.]com/Pages/Articles/sherry/self-edit-tips[.]html

[Joxcenia]

Avoid Creative Dialogue Tag Syndrome

Page No Longer Available:

http[://]www[.]writetightnow.com/Pages/Articles/Sandy/Tags[.]html

Same Article, Different Site

Page No Longer Available:

http[://]tritt[.]wirefire[.]com/tip4[.]html

"Just be like that," she pouted.

"Oh, come on," he groaned. "Not this again."

"You don't love me," she replied.

"Right," he snarled. "That's why I bought you an eight hundred dollar diamond."

"Here," she sobbed. "Just take it back. Take it."

Shelly's lower lip quivered. "Just be like that."

Mike rolled his eyes. "Oh, come on," he said. "Not this again."

"You don't love me."

"Right," he said. "That's why I bought you an eight hundred dollar diamond."

"Here." She pulled off the ring and shoved it under his nose. "Just take it back," she said, her voice breaking. "Take it."

[Joxcenia]

Show, Don't (Just) Tell

---

Show... Don't Tell

Page No Longer Available:

http[://]tritt[.]wirefire[.]com/tip1[.]html

Tell... Don't Show

Page No Longer Available:

http[://]tritt[.]wirefire[.]com/tip10[.]html

[Joxcenia]

Self-Editing
by Lori Handeland

[Joxcenia]

When to Show, Not Tell

Page No Longer Available:

http[://]teenwriting[.]about[.]com/cs/writingfiction/a/ShowNotTell[.]htm


when you really need a reader to believe something right away, it's better to show it to them than to tell them about it. In other words, show the important stuff.

[Joxcenia]

Excerpts came from pages 41 & 42 of Gotham Writers' Workshop:

There are two basic methods of revealing a character in fiction: showing and telling. Sometimes it is most efficient for the narrator just to tell the reader about a character. But do not overrely on telling.

Revealing information through showing is generally more interesting than telling about it, because showing gives the reader more with which to engage actively. The bulk of characterization should come through showing characters to the reader.

[Joxcenia]

Through Judge-Coloured Spectacles:
How to Win a Writing Contest

Telling, Not Showing. This was a major weakness in the stories I read. Telling a story results in flat, lifeless prose that bores readers and can lead to a judgmental, lecturing writing style. Don't say the monster was scary, describe how "drool dripped over its scaly lips" and let the readers make up their own minds. Draw readers in by showing events as they unfold and characters as they develop.

[Joxcenia]

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Just Maybe

Sharon Wildwind


Blog Page No Longer Available.

poesdeadlydaughters.blogspot.com/2008/01/just-maybe_15[.]html



Just. Maybe. Might. Possibly. Started to. Almost, as in “She almost smelled popcorn.”

How can you not smell popcorn?

Could. Should. Would. All of those pesky conditional modifiers that destroy the tension in a story.

A couple of weeks ago I read a completed first draft—my own. Had I filled the manuscript with lucid, flowing language capable of making strong men weep? Had I used words like a craft-woman’s tools to convey nuances of delicate meanings? Did the story shine through the prose?

Ha!

Some sentences were sledge hammer where a jeweler’s hammer was needed. Others resembled rusty garden hoes, dull butter knives, or my favorite Canadian invention, the combination shovel and portable face shield. Yes, such a tool was issued to Canadian troops during World War I. It served no useful purpose.

The word I removed most frequently was “just.” As in “The sun was just coming up,” “She’d just hang around for a while and see what developed,” and my favorite, “She started to have a feeling that she just might have the beginnings of an idea about where to find him.”

Also, characters shivered far too much. I had so many shivers running up character’s backs, down their spines, and shaking their bodies that I considered putting a chiropractor on retainer.

Which brings up the interesting problem of how to show character hesitation. We already know that our characters have to be larger than life, capable of being better far than they are, and able to leap tall buildings in a single bound. But sometimes, they falter. They’re not sure. They don’t know. They can’t decide. So how do we show hesitation and still maintain story tension?

Save uncertainty for big issues. I read a wedding-theme mystery where the main character dithered through the whole book over what she would wear to the wedding. It became tiresome to the point that I almost didn’t finish the book. About the only way to pull off an uncertain, seemingly minor issue, is the way it was done in the last episode of “Magnum—PI,” where Magnum’s apparent dithering became an essential turn in the story ending. (If you don’t know that ending and are desperate to know, e-mail me privately and I’ll tell you. No sense spoiling it.)

Our old friend show, don’t tell makes another appearance. The important thing about uncertainty is how it makes the character feel: confused, lacking confidence, not knowing what the options are, not knowing if she has a role to play, scared, even pushed to such a limit that she makes a stupid decision.

Finally, trim the language. Eliminate all the conditional modifiers, words such as just, maybe, might, possibly, started to, almost, could, should or would. Reframe the sentence in active voice and add an emotional kicker.

“She started to have a feeling that she just might have the beginnings of an idea about where to find him.”

Every time she closed her eyes and thought about Butch, Avivah smelled stale popcorn, that yellow, greasy stuff sold at carnivals. Oh great, now she was seeing things, like that guy on television.

“Tell me, Officer Rosen, how did you locate Butch?”

“I smelled popcorn, sir.”

Great. Wonderful police procedure. Go over real big in court. Besides, there wasn’t a carnival in town. So who else sold cold, greasy popcorn that clogged your arteries when you looked at it? Find the popcorn, find Butch.

________
Writing quote for the week:

We are not here to be timid.
~Donald Maass, writer, agent, and teacher

[Joxcenia]

Check Text Readability

[Joxcenia]

Self-Editing for Fiction Writers: How to Edit Yourself Into Print

by Renni Browne & Dave King

www.goodreads.com/book/show/180467.Self_Editing_for_Fiction_Writers

www.goodreads.com/author/show/105227.Renni_Browne

www.goodreads.com/author/show/27307.Dave_King