|
Post by carpediem811 on Jan 9, 2010 17:00:11 GMT -6
Back in 1998, I got a computer and got on the Internet, which was a newfangled thing to do back then. I got the computer because I was back in college and working towards a masters's degree. I had no other motive in mind than to do my college assignments because Internet access was mandatory.
That same year, I accidentally ran across a program called Xena: Warrior Princess. The night I saw it, it was the program entitled One Against an Army. I saw the love between Xena and Gabrielle and it moved me to tears. It was a feeling that I had buried for years. I was married with two kids, and this love between these two women awoke a feeling in my that I had buried some ages ago. I knew if I kept watching it, I was going to run into "trouble." Trouble with my heart, that is. But I couldn't stop watching it. I related to it. And in my heart of hearts, I longed for that kind of love. I did love my husband, but he didn't fulfill that deep desire within me. I was not "in love" with him.
I kept watching the show, and the more I watched it, the stronger my feelings grew. Feelings of being trapped and lost and longing for something else. And then I started using my Internet for more than just academic research; I started visiting the Xena forum.
For a while, I played around on it, pretending to just be interested in the ass-kicking aspect of the show. But deep inside, it was the love story between Xena and Gabrielle (the subtext) that I was craving to see. No matter who said it wasn't so, I knew it was so, because my Gay-dar told me so! So I became as regular contributor to the Xena Netforum, as well as watching the show every chance I got. My obsession with the show grew more and more, and so did my involvement with the Xena Netforum.
One day I met a person on the Netforum who piqued my interest. That is... she was interested in me. Here I was in a stale marriage, and this woman gave me every sign that she was interested in women, and that she might just be interested in me. I was hungry for something like that. I'd never had it.
We began to correspond through e-mail, and one day I made the brave decision to call her, although she was out of state. We struck up a friendship instantly, and she made me feel like I'd never felt before. You see, I'd never had a woman interested in me like that (or if I did, I didn't know it) and I was on Cloud 9. We talked every night until the wee hours; the hours flew by like minutes. And all this time, my husband had no clue that I had this new friend. Eventually he asked, because her name was on the caller I.D., and I said I'd made a new pen pal ..and he was fine with that.
But it was so much more than that. Her words melted me. In her, just through phone calls and e-mails and interactions on the Xena Netforum, I found what my heart had been looking for. She opened -- I guess -- sort of a Pandora's box in me.
Eventually we made a date to meet. I flew to see her, and we spent a glorious weekend together. That was the weekend that I first kissed a woman..... that I first made love with a woman. I was exhilarated, and finally ... for the first time... realized what all the hoopla about sex was about.
Within the next two months she came to see me. It was an intense time. We spent our time in hotels, with me feeling very guilty about what I was doing, but so in love with her and wanting to be with her. I had two small children at home, and I felt wrong about what I was doing. But I kept hearing that ol' Barbara Mandrell song playing in my head... "if loving you is wrong... I don't want to be right."
I started making plans to leave my husband and go to be with her. I told her this was my plan. I soon realized, though, that I didn't have the financial capabilities to do this, and that I would have to get a job to earn money to save for the big move.
Unfortunately, she couldn't wait, and she fell in love with someone new, and as far as I know (I really don't know) they are still living happily ever after.
That's been 10 years, and I still dream about her at night. That's something I can't control. She mystified me body and soul, and I don't know if I will ever get over her fully. I have a new love now who is wonderful, but that first love broke my heart. I think I will always love her. It hurts that I'll never again see her on this earth. I know she probably has forgotten about me long, long ago. She probably hasn't given me a thought in years, but I still think about her. TEN years later. Love dies hard.
When my father died a few years ago, that hurt like crazy. My divorce hurt because of the tumult with my children. My mother's several bouts with cancer have been hard. But nothing, no nothing, hurt like the end of that relationsship. It did things to me that I've never experienced. I lost about 60 pounds and became nothing but skin and bones simply because I had no interest in food and no appetite. My only appetite was for her. And she didn't want me anymore. I had what they used to call a "nervous breakdown." I just stopped functioning and had to be hospitalized. I almost died.
I knew I couldn't compete with her new love, so after a couple of years, I finally let it go. I haven't talked to her in 9 years. But I don't think my heart has ever released her completely. It's really sad and pathetic. I guess the day I stop loving her will be the day I die.
All this happened because of a show named Xena: Warrior Princess, and the Netforum where I found co-Xenites. It's amazing how a TV show can change one's life. This one sure split my life wide open. Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I'd never seen this show.....
|
|
|
Post by Gabrielle On Nutbread on Jan 9, 2010 17:54:47 GMT -6
That is such a moving story.... wish I knew what to say about it. Welcome to Whoosh! It's good to have you.
Edited to: fix typo. UGH I hate typos!
|
|
|
Post by Phalon on Jan 9, 2010 18:55:56 GMT -6
Shhhhhh, Gabrielle, shhhhh. You forgot it. Whooh? It's Welcome to Whooshhhhh.
Touching story, Carpe diem. Welcome.
|
|
|
Post by carpediem811 on Jan 9, 2010 19:10:15 GMT -6
Thanks. I haven't geen to Whooshhhh in years. I used to be a regular. I think I quit coming in about 2003. I have even done stories for Whoosh magazine that I suspect are still published somewhere on this very website. Somehow it's all been too painful to go back to. I happened upon a Xena clip on YouTube recently quite by accident and the memories started tumbling back. And now the dreams are recurring. The heart is such a stubborn thing. I wish there was a potion to make you forget.
|
|
|
Post by Gabrielle On Nutbread on Jan 9, 2010 19:16:45 GMT -6
A Xena clip, on Youtube...? My sister makes Xena-themed vids on YouTube.... maybe it was one of hers... Just a thought, it probably wasn't, though. There are LOTS of Xena vids on YouTube.
|
|
|
Post by Mini Mia on Jan 9, 2010 19:18:54 GMT -6
:wtw1: :wtw2: carpediem811!!! :wtw3: I've watched several members fall in love and move in together on several Xena boards over the years. It amazes me when this happens as the conversations don't seem any more different than other conversations. I guess that's what emails are for. I lurked on the Nutforum, but didn't post much because of the fighting and trolling that went on most all the time.
|
|
|
Post by carpediem811 on Jan 9, 2010 19:19:29 GMT -6
The clip I saw was a parody of the "Summer Lovin'" song from Grease with all the Xena characters. It's really cute.
|
|
|
Post by quettalee on Jan 11, 2010 0:15:38 GMT -6
Welcome to Whoosh, carpediem. Thanks for opening up and sharing your story. As Joxcee says, it's not an unfamiliar one around the Xena circles. Most of the old members here know my story because they have been with me through thick and thin--joining in the moments of laughter and happiness, carrying me through the sorrow, tears, and pain and still right here with me as I finally am able to start embracing the light again. I started to just pm you, but since we have so many new members, thought some of them might also benefit in some way from my experiences since embracing the "Xena way of life". And that's really what it is...for those of us that "get it"...Xena did, and continues to, change lives. And you either get it or you don't...there seems to be no gray area. I was already gay when Xena came along. I'm 48 now and had been secure in my sexuality since about age 17...so you can do the math. So that part really didn't change anything for me other than just relating to and recognizing what was really going on between our two heroines (sorry Jox, Step, Kat, sis, and any others who believe the other way--no offense intended ) I got my first computer in 2001 and I met Mary on the old O2 (pre-Whoosh) board about a week later. She was in Arizona and I was in Indiana. Six weeks later she flew to visit me for the weekend and two months later I flew to AZ and moved her and her two daughters back to IN to live with me. We were a family for six years before she died in Oct. 2008 at age 37. To make a long story short, I wanted to die too. For months--about 10 1/2--I tried every way in the world to follow Mary's lead. She had a lifetime of demons that finally got the better of her. She took her own life with one squeeze of the trigger. She left not only two teenage daughters without a mother, but we owned our own business together, so that also ended the day she left. It was my childhood dream and it was all gone--her, the girls (now with guardians), the cafe...everything in the few seconds that it took her to lose that battle. For whatever reason or reasons, no matter how hard I tried to end my own pain someone or something always prevented it. I guess it was a combination of a whole bunch of people, prayers, karma...whatever. Next chapter... Our anniversary was three days before her birthday and she died three weeks after her birthday, so the later it got in the summer, the more determined I became that I wasn't going to see those three dates come and go. Then something amazing happened. Joxcee (Mini Mia) posted a link to a Renee O Connor web site. I don't know what took me there, but one night during one of my many sleepless nights during those months, I got tired of playing Bounce Out on the computer and I clicked on that link. I didn't think I could ever look at anything else Xena-related for the rest of my life because it hurt too damned bad. After all, Xena had brought Mary and I together. But I kept going and I found a girl in New Zealand that had a similar story except her Xena-found life partner had died of natural causes at age 31. Other members started reaching out to me too and I even got involved in the Xena games section--starting up Who Am I? and Hangman. And pretty soon, I thought I would try watching an episode...something not too emotional...and not one of our favorite eps...and not one of Mary's "feel good" eps. So I settled on The Ring Trilogy. It was OK. I got through all three eps without too much trouble. Since then, I have rewatched all six seasons--by myself--with the exception of FIN & FIN II. Not sure I will ever watch those again, but a great majority of fans won't watch again or never watched in the first place. Mary chose not to watch either ep while she was alive. And then came Ana. At first we were friendly...and she was compassionate just like others on the forum...but she seemed different... I found myself smiling when I logged in and she was there and feeling a little..."pouty", I guess, when I went and she wasn't there. I still didn't think too much of it because there was an ocean between us (she's in Spain), 23 years, and she had a girlfriend! Seemed safe enough and I wasn't looking for anything. Even the fact that we were pm-ing all the time and then she seemed to be spending more time on MSN messenger with me than with her girlfriend...and didn't care that her gf was having all kinds of issues about the time spent with me...still didn't seem like a big deal. It was a distraction from the stifling vise grip that had been locked on my heart for almost a year. And by the time we both realized that OK, maybe something is a little...more than "friendly" and she had stopped referring to me as "mom", neither of us cared anymore. Then I was looking at the birthday calendar on the site one day and Ana's birthday was the same exact day as Mary's. I just stared at Sept. 25th and her name for what seemed like hours; my head was spinning. What do you suppose the odds of that are? So, to make another long story short, she and her gf broke up and she moved back home with her parents. Ana just moved out of their old apartment into a new place and she's coming to visit me next month for three weeks after she goes to the Xena convention! We're crazy about each other and we love each other. I thought I would never feel anything again, and now I'm in this amazing, weird, unlikely, consuming relationship with someone half my age! Not sure where it's going after Feb., but if it plays out like we both want, she will eventually be moving to the US if we can get past the obvious obstacle of immigrating to this country. It's almost impossible unless you are a millionaire, a pro athlete or a Nobel Prize winner. Pfft. No, seriously, that's the examples they give on the homeland security website for qualifying for a green card. Anyway, carpe', my point is don't give up on that heart of yours. It can let go of that pain. You won't ever forget, but you can move on to something just as special...maybe even something more special. I thought Mary was my soul mate and the love of my life. I'm not ready to completely let go of that yet, but there are things about Ana and the way she understands me that even Mary wasn't able to compare to. And I can be totally myself with her when sometimes that wasn't exactly good enough for Mary because she needed me to be something "more" as a parent-figure for the girls. OK, definitely my longest post on any forum... ever, but obviously it's for a reason --other than to prove that not only can Xena change your life once--sometimes it can change that same life twice!! Hope you can use something from my ramblings! Peace and hugs Quetta
|
|
|
Post by quettalee on Jan 11, 2010 0:31:02 GMT -6
Hope it's OK I put these here, FBM?? I'm sure you have them somewhere else too, but I can't find them right now. *batting eyelashes and looking innocently lazy*
|
|
|
Post by Mini Mia on Jan 11, 2010 1:35:32 GMT -6
(sorry Jox, Step, Kat, sis, and any others who believe the other way--no offense intended )
Xena and Gabrielle are what any _one_ viewer wants them to be. Your Xena and Gabrielle are a couple, mine are not. Xena and Gabrielle are not mine alone to own. They belong to all. And I was raised to share. So we have different Xena's and Gabrielle's, from different universes. In your world they _are_ a couple. And in my world they're just close friends.
And I'm so happy that you're still among us. I did get the vibe you were planning to check out, and I prayed that I'd find a way to keep you from leaving us. So glad my prayers were answered. Although I have to admit, I had no clue the link was going to be so instrumental in keeping you here when I posted it.
Hope it's OK I put these here, FBM?? I'm sure you have them somewhere else too, but I can't find them right now. *batting eyelashes and looking innocently lazy*
Well ... since you're being so flirty and all ... sure, go ahead.
|
|
|
Post by quettalee on Jan 11, 2010 1:46:27 GMT -6
It just goes to prove that you never know what is going to make a difference in someone's life. Sometimes the little things are what yield the life-changing results. Thanks again for not ever giving up on me. Good to know I haven't lost my touch!
|
|
|
Post by Mini Mia on Jan 11, 2010 2:07:00 GMT -6
You're very welcome. Now stop flirting, or I'm gonna tell Ana. She'll join this forum to keep an eye on you if you're not careful.
|
|
|
Post by carpediem811 on Jan 11, 2010 2:14:32 GMT -6
Thanks, Tommygurl. I am glad that you're doing better and moving on. I HAVE found someone new and she's wonderful. We've been together for more than five years now. I think that first heartbreak did something to me, though, and I too have had trouble watching Xena because it brings it all back. I'm honest and open hearted and it was such a shock that someone could hurt me so callously that I still.. after a decade... can't quite grasp it. It was a situation where it was flaunted on the Nutforum just to torture me, and man, did they get the job done. I was suicidal and would've left kids behind also. This is something that I'll take to my grave... and won't ever forget her... but I will spend my time with the one who loves me... and I love her. It's like the song "The First Cut is the Deepest."
|
|
|
Post by xenawp7706 on Jan 11, 2010 2:33:53 GMT -6
Welcome Carpediem Your story is really beautifull, thanks for sharing it with us
|
|
|
Post by Mini Mia on Jan 11, 2010 2:41:28 GMT -6
carpediem811: I can understand how a first love breaking your heart is still eating away at you. My first love liked embarrassing me in front of his friends. And because I was so in love with him, I ate up any attention he paid me. Bad attention was better than being ignored. To this day I berate myself for letting him corner me and tease me mercilessly in front of his 'posse' ... all I did was grin and blush ... thrilled that he was paying me attention. It hurts me whenever I think of it. I blame him for my unwillingness to open my heart to anyone else. I've closed myself off. I'd rather be alone than be hurt like that ever again. The thought of someone else using me, toying with me for amusement, scares the living bees-wax out of me. I can't have it. I won't.
So, you're not alone in feeling like you do.
|
|
|
Post by EllieNeo on Jan 11, 2010 15:32:33 GMT -6
such moving stories. i want to say something insightful and life-altering, but i can't think of anything. so... just some thoughts, instead. tommygurl... was mary "IrritatingLittleBlonde"...? that you put on the xena alphabet thread awhile back....? cuz if so... now i feel like an insensitive jerk for correcting the no spaces. seriously.... sorry. feel free to slap the sh!t outta me. mia, if i ever meet the guy that hurt you that bad i will rip his head off with my bare hands. no one deserves that kind of treatment, damnit. especially someone as frickin' awesome as you are. kinda wish i had a story of my own to tell. but i don't.
|
|
|
Post by quettalee on Jan 11, 2010 15:50:45 GMT -6
tommygurl... was mary "IrritatingLittleBlonde"...? that you put on the a-z of xena thread awhile back....? cuz if so... now i feel like an insensitive jerk for correcting the no spaces. seriously.... sorry. feel free to slap the sh!t outta me. Naw...no harm, no foul Ellie'. It was an honest mistake and one not even worth mentioning. I didn't mean to seem overly sensitive. It's ironic the things that "get" you or catch you off-guard. It's like seeing her initials when the "Music" thread gets bumped up...the first time I saw it was like a slap in the face. Jox would've closed it for me and started another music thread, but there's lots of good stuff in that thread and I remember when Mare started it...so now, when I see it come up, I'm just glad it's still around.
|
|
|
Post by EllieNeo on Jan 11, 2010 15:54:13 GMT -6
ok. i feel better now. thanks. and, nah, you didn't sound overly sensitive. i just felt the need to apologize cuz she was special to you is all.
|
|
|
Post by quettalee on Jan 11, 2010 15:59:21 GMT -6
carpediem811: I can understand how a first love breaking your heart is still eating away at you. My first love liked embarrassing me in front of his friends. And because I was so in love with him, I ate up any attention he paid me. Bad attention was better than being ignored. To this day I berate myself for letting him corner me and tease me mercilessly in front of his 'posse' ... all I did was grin and blush ... thrilled that he was paying me attention. It hurts me whenever I think of it. I blame him for my unwillingness to open my heart to anyone else. I've closed myself off. I'd rather be alone than be hurt like that ever again. The thought of someone else using me, toying with me for amusement, scares the living bees-wax out of me. I can't have it. I won't.
So, you're not alone in feeling like you do.
I know I never knew this before. You don't ever really open up like that very often, especially with such a sensitive subject. Thanks for sharing. I don't know how long ago that happened, but you know that's not the answer. I know how hard-headed you are and I'm not going to preach to you...even though you know what I want to say. Maybe just some cliches..."nothing ventured, nothing gained"..."one bad apple don't spoil the whole bunch"... Luv ya, Jox... (and not in the flirty way )
|
|
|
Post by quettalee on Jan 11, 2010 16:00:41 GMT -6
ok. i feel better now. thanks. and, nah, you didn't sound overly sensitive. i just felt the need to apologize cuz she was special to you is all.
|
|
|
Post by Gabrielle On Nutbread on Jan 11, 2010 16:40:49 GMT -6
mia, if i ever meet the guy that hurt you that bad i will rip his head off with my bare hands. no one deserves that kind of treatment, damnit. especially someone as frickin' awesome as you are. Uh-oh, Jox, you switched Ellie into her "a$$-kicking" mode. carpediem811: I can understand how a first love breaking your heart is still eating away at you. My first love liked embarrassing me in front of his friends. And because I was so in love with him, I ate up any attention he paid me. Bad attention was better than being ignored. To this day I berate myself for letting him corner me and tease me mercilessly in front of his 'posse' ... all I did was grin and blush ... thrilled that he was paying me attention. It hurts me whenever I think of it. I blame him for my unwillingness to open my heart to anyone else. I've closed myself off. I'd rather be alone than be hurt like that ever again. The thought of someone else using me, toying with me for amusement, scares the living bees-wax out of me. I can't have it. I won't.
So, you're not alone in feeling like you do.
...Though I can't say I blame her. This guy deserves a good a$$-kicking. Who does that to someone, seriously? Sucks so much you had to go through that, Jox. But we all love ya here, right everyone?
|
|
|
Post by Mini Mia on Jan 11, 2010 17:33:32 GMT -6
Uh, thanks guys. I really don't like to open up all that often. And I almost deleted it, but forced myself to leave it be.
Uh. Q. Would you beat me senseless if I told you it happened in Middle School? That I'd loved him since first grade? That it wasn't until High School that I finally gave up on him and I ever having a future? That the pain is still with me whenever I think of it?
I have pride in myself that I'm _loyal_ ... and the fact that it still hurts means it wasn't 'puppy love.' Yeah, yeah, I need a therapist.
He was the main jerk, but there were a couple others. I had a boyfriend for a week, when at lunchtime he had us sit at the same table as jerk #1, and he called his name during the whole meal, trying to get his attention. He was ignored, 'thank you lord' ... and I knew jerk #2 was gloating that he had me and jerk #1 didn't. Needless to say I ended that one real quick.
I was born boy crazy, and I chased boys from kindergarten to a couple of years after High School. They ran like I was Satan himself coming for them. So I gave up, and now I'm waiting to be knocked in the head ... which hasn't happened yet. I figure it isn't meant to be ... or, if it is, it isn't meant to be just yet. If it's meant to be in the future, it will happen. But I'm so set in my ways now, I can't imagine dealing with the hassles of sharing my home and life with someone else.
And, of course, add to this the fact that my Dad was verbally abusive and controlling. I'd rather be alone than marry someone like him too. Then to find out he was messing around on my Mom. And he treated the 'other woman' better/nicer than he treated my Mom. The 'other woman' treated him pretty much like he had treated my Mom. Which to us was really amusing ... as we felt he deserved it ... but for him to treat 'her' the way he should have treated Mom, was too much.
So, it's a combination of things that keep me closed off. But, I think, the fact that I still love and read romances whenever the mood strikes me proves there's a willingness hidden deep down inside. Granted, there were a few years after my parent's divorce when I couldn't bring myself to read such garbage. Yeah. tmi. I should clam up now.
|
|
|
Post by Gabrielle On Nutbread on Jan 11, 2010 18:24:30 GMT -6
Bravo for opening up, Jox. Gimme a few years here and maybe I'll do the same. Don't bet on Ellie... ever... though. She barely talks to me. And I'm her frickin' TWIN, for cryin' out loud. (Love ya, sis!) Anywho. I'm sure you'll find the right person sometime, Joxie. Ellie actually found Aph after she had given up, herself. Uhm if I say any more on that I'll probably wake up dead in the morning, so... *zips lips* But, good on ya for sharing, Jox!
|
|
|
Post by Mini Mia on Jan 11, 2010 18:53:44 GMT -6
Thank ya. Maybe sharing it will help me release it and move on without all the baggage. One can hope.
|
|
|
Post by Gabrielle On Nutbread on Jan 11, 2010 18:54:42 GMT -6
One CAN hope!
|
|
|
Post by EllieNeo on Jan 11, 2010 23:49:47 GMT -6
glad you felt you could open up to us, mia. and.. age doesn't matter. anyone can get their heart broken. <hugz for mia! , gabrielle, you're afraid of "waking up dead" in the morning? nah, i'd never do that. there was that one time though that i dyed your hair blue.... *ponders* oooooh mom was pissed! *ahem* and, i agree. one CAN hope! yay for that!
|
|
|
Post by Phalon on Jan 13, 2010 6:05:47 GMT -6
Wow, how did I miss all this going on in here. I really should stray off Off Topic more often....go off roading in the vast land of Whoosh to seek out areas less traveled.
Lot's to catch up on.
This made me laugh, Sis...probably because you lumped me into that "doesn't get it" category why? Because I'm straight? I got it....only I got it my way (sung in a really cheesy Frank Sinatra impression). I saw them as lovers. Other times I saw them as best buds sticking together through thick and thin. It depended which episode I happened to be watching. Why? Because there definitely is a gray area....that's the way the series was purposely written.
A long time ago, in a land far, far away, The Powers That Be discovered there was a large following made up of members in the gay community who became fans of a television show. It was a land of turmoil. OMG, what to do! In this ancient time before texting, decisions needed to be made. If subtext becomes maintext would the Shippers abandon ship. Would they then become Subbers since their once-maintext is now subtext? (Good thing this was before sexting, because what the hell would they be called?) Or would the ship sink to the bottom of the ratings. Can't have that. We'll try to appeal to both segments of the audience in an effort to keep everybody happy and tuned into the channel each week.
Yeah, there's that whole argument after-the-fact that Lucy stated in an interview that they definitely were lovers. But really, that is definitely just an opinion.
On the other hand, there was definitely an ambiguous air left as to what kind of relationship they had in order for the show to have more mass appeal.
That is the way I got it.
I absolutely dreaded the approach of these dates not knowing what exactly was going on in your head. I had an inkling of what was swirling around in there, but had no clue how to help because nothing seemed to work. Thank whoever or whatever is responsible for these things for sending Ana along during this time. So glad you're happy again, Sista Q.
Hey! So that's how it works? Obviously, I need to practice that batting eyelashes thing. Do you know she made me find Gams myself to put back where she belongs after Christmas.
I just love happy endings. Good for you, carpe diem - it makes me glad to know that for you, although that Rod Stewartly 'first cut was the deepest' and although it may have left a scar, eventually the wound healed enough for you to find love again.
As for you Joxie, Joxie with all the moxie....
Big hugs to you for opening up. Bigger hugs for the pain you still have left after all this time.
|
|
|
Post by quettalee on Jan 13, 2010 11:16:19 GMT -6
Aw...sorry sis. I wasn't referring to the gay/straight thing. I was referring to the Xena/non-Xena thing. I guess I could've expounded on that a little more, but I was focused on a different point at that moment. Above all, I saw them as best friends until the end...and past...with a kind of love/friendship that will transcend all time and space. Not about the "sex", but sooooo about the intimacy that they shared. I've never spent three minutes thinking about our sheroes being physical (maybe with the exception of the dance scene in Heart of Darkness...it's hot!) and I really hate the fan fic that delves into the sexual avenue of their relationship. I think it cheapens the rest. We'll talk about it some more later and I'll post some more, but I've got to leave in a few minutes to go work for the man... Just wanted to touch base with you. You know I love you...even if you are straight. Hugs!
|
|
|
Post by Awesome Aphrodite on Jan 13, 2010 18:16:41 GMT -6
all such touching stories. Xena really is an amazing show when you stop to think about it, yeah? changes lives on a regular basis, from what I have seen. and, honestly, how many other shows can claim that? I think it's awesome that you all felt comfortable enough to share these stories with us. hugs for everyone! why...? hrm. just cuz I feel like it, I suppose. good enough reason???
|
|
|
Post by Mini Mia on Jan 13, 2010 18:30:24 GMT -6
Thanks for the hugs and well wishes everyone. I do seem to feel tons lighter now that I've shared. I guess confession really is good for the soul. Should have done it years ago but was too embarrassed/ashamed to admit to being so stupid and gullible. I used it in a manuscript that might not ever see the light of day, but it didn't seem to make me feel better like posting it for the world to see did.
|
|