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Post by Mini Mia on Apr 11, 2011 22:13:39 GMT -6
Ummmmmm ... why pick on the Twilight fans? There are many other vampire books/series that have vampires having erections, and most of them were written long before the Twilight saga was ever dreamt of. The Sookie Stackhouse series, the Vampire Diaries series ... just to name a few. I just finished reading Sunshine by Robin McKinley and her vamp got an erection ... although he was a gentleman and stopped himself from any such activity.
Why, yes ... I am a Twilight fan ... how can you tell?
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Post by stepper on Apr 13, 2011 17:39:29 GMT -6
Why, yes ... I am a Twilight fan ... how can you tell? I'm not, but you are not alone. From what I hear, it's a fairly popular show. Personally, I think it's silly. And I wasn't picking on Twilight fans specifically, that's just was was in the email with the "Dear" jokes. Dear Fox News, So far, no news about foxes. Sincerely, Unimpressed Dear Nickleback, That's enough. Sincerely, The World Dear Scissors, I feel your pain.... no one wants to run with me either. Sincerely, Sarah Palin Dear Osama Bin Laden, Marco.... Sincerely, United States Dear World of Warcraft, Thank you for ensuring my son's virginity. Sincerely, Parents Everywhere Dear Anne Frank, Two can play this game.... Sincerely, Waldo Dear Batman, What was your power again? Sincerely, Superman Dear Customers, Yes, we ARE making fun of you in Vietnamese. Sincerely, Nail Salon Ladies Dear Global Warming, You're the best imaginary friend ever! Sincerely, Al Gore
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Post by Mini Mia on Apr 13, 2011 22:17:27 GMT -6
Why, yes ... I am a Twilight fan ... how can you tell?
I'm not, but you are not alone. From what I hear, it's a fairly popular show. Personally, I think it's silly.
And what's wrong with silly? Ya can't be serious all the time.
Oh, I knew it was just a joke that you came across. My comment was not directed specifically at you. The IMDb boards get a lot of posters who like to troll the 'Twilight' fans and I just don't get why those who enjoy something have to be tormented for their likes, just because the tormenters thinks the books/movies are dumb.
I don't like sports, and I don't keep up with them, but I also don't go to sports boards and ridicule the fans there on their stupidity on following the teams, and getting so involved in the games. To each their own ... live and let live.
My comment was basically tongue in cheek. However I do get frustrated sometimes at the juveniles who just won't go away and leave it alone. Maybe I'll take out my frustrations by creating a video game where I shoot up 'Twilight' tormenters.
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Post by stepper on Apr 15, 2011 20:23:01 GMT -6
I think there's near universal agreement that trolls are everyone's enemy, no matter whom or what the target may be.
You can't? Who made that rule?? Did you discuss this with Phalon? She's serious all the time and you've never mentioned this to her. She IS serious all the time isn't she?
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Post by Mini Mia on Apr 15, 2011 22:24:29 GMT -6
I've never known Phalon NOT to be serious. If she ever lightened up, I'd pass out.
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Post by Phalon on Apr 16, 2011 6:22:03 GMT -6
You two are so seriously funny. HA! And pfft!
No seriously....on to more impotent business: VPED (vampiric penile erectile dysfunction).
It's not hard at all to imagine a bloodless immortal as being impotent....unless all the blood-sucking goes straight to his head. HA! On the other hand, I suppose even a vampire needs a good stiff drink every now and then.
Ok, I'm off to work now, or I'm seriously going to be late.
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Post by Siren on Apr 16, 2011 8:59:08 GMT -6
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Post by stepper on Apr 16, 2011 14:19:25 GMT -6
Yes yes. I've heard of this when people were telling scary stories around campfires. It always scared the boys, but for some reason the girls just giggled. The idea of certain body parts shriveling up to uselessness seems to affect us all differently some how.
BOLL! I suppose that might give him a swollen opinion of himself.
Miss Mia will have all her blood rushing to her head if she looks at the pictures! (Maybe that's why vampyres always go for the neck??)
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Post by stepper on May 3, 2011 21:24:55 GMT -6
Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement = 1 bananosecond
Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour = Knotfurlong
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Post by Siren on May 5, 2011 23:01:03 GMT -6
Some bad language in this, but it makes me laugh every time - particularly the "Lexmark" comment.
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Post by stepper on May 6, 2011 20:28:40 GMT -6
LOL! I've seen it before - but not with the commentary.
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Post by Phalon on May 6, 2011 22:16:50 GMT -6
Too cute. I like the washing machine one too.
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Post by stepper on May 7, 2011 15:17:16 GMT -6
A Golfer has been slicing off the tee on every hole. He asks his Scottish caddy if he has noticed any obvious reasons for his poor tee shots, to which the caddy replies, "Aye, there's a piece of sh!t on the end of your driver."
The Golfer picks up his driver and cleans the club face, at which point the caddy says, "No, the other end."
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Post by Siren on May 8, 2011 22:39:11 GMT -6
LOL! Good one, Step.
This video is making the rounds, so you may have seen it already. That dog is precious! Here's the "Ultimate Dog Tease"
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Post by stepper on May 23, 2011 21:57:51 GMT -6
While creating husbands, God promised women that good and ideal husbands would be found in all corners of the world... And then he made the earth round. That God - he's such a joker .
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Post by Mini Mia on May 24, 2011 17:02:17 GMT -6
While creating husbands, God promised women that good and ideal husbands would be found in all corners of the world... And then he made the earth round. That God - he's such a joker.
Too funny. Now I know why I'm still single.
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Post by stepper on May 24, 2011 20:16:55 GMT -6
Five surgeons are talking
#1 The first, an Ontario surgeon, says: "I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered." #2 The second, a Quebec surgeon, responds: " Yeah, but you should try electricians. Everything inside of them is colour coded. " #3 The third, a B.C. surgeon, says: " No, I really think librarians are the best, everything inside of them is in alphabetical order. " #4 The fourth, an Alberta surgeon, chimes in: " You know, I like construction workers.... those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over. " #5 But, the fifth, a Newfoundland surgeon, shut them all up when he observed: " You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains, and no spine, -- and the head and the ass are interchangeable. "
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Post by stepper on Jun 17, 2011 20:40:39 GMT -6
His and Her Diary Entries:
Her Diary: Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it. Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn't say much. I asked him what was wrong; He said, 'Nothing.' I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it. On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior I don't know why he didn't say, 'I love you, too.' When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent. Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep - I cried. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster. His Diary: Boat wouldn't start, can't figure out why.
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Post by Mini Mia on Jun 18, 2011 3:48:18 GMT -6
What a jerk! He couldn't have told his wife what was on his mind? He put her through all that inner turmoil over a dumb boat!?! A-hole!
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Post by stepper on Jun 18, 2011 15:37:38 GMT -6
One Sunday morning, a mother went in to wake her son and tell him it was time to get ready for church… To which he replied, "I'm not going." "Why not?" she asked. I'll give you two good reasons," he said. "(1), they don't like me, and (2), I don't like them." His mother replied, "I'll give YOU two good reasons why YOU SHOULD go to church. (1) You're 59 years old, and (2) you're the bishop!"
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Post by stepper on Sept 9, 2011 18:10:00 GMT -6
* I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it
* I went to San Francisco. I found someone's heart. Now what?
* Protons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic.
* All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy
* They told me I was gullible and I believed them.
* My weight is perfect--the problem is my height.
* I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
* If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?
* Is it me --or do buffalo wings taste like chicken?
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Post by stepper on Oct 29, 2011 21:40:47 GMT -6
An elderly man is stopped by the police around 1 a.m. and is asked where he is going at this time of night.
The man replies, "I am going to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body."
The officer then asks, "Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?"
The man replies, "That would be my wife."
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Post by stepper on Nov 15, 2011 19:47:50 GMT -6
The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first modern day helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important. (Ladies.....Quit Laughing.)
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Post by stepper on Dec 12, 2011 18:19:07 GMT -6
Dear Santa, For Christmas this year I would like a thin body and a fat bank account. Please don't mix these two things up the way you did last year!
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Post by stepper on Feb 27, 2012 20:51:12 GMT -6
Because I'm a man,
when I lock my keys in the car, I will fiddle with a coat hanger long after hypothermia has set in. Calling AAA is not an option. I will win.
Because I'm a man,
I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like steaks, milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like 'tofu' or 'tampons’.
For all I know, these are the same thing.
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Post by Mini Mia on Feb 27, 2012 22:41:32 GMT -6
Tofu = C4
Tampons = Scud Missiles
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Post by stepper on Feb 28, 2012 19:16:38 GMT -6
Because I'm a man,
there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The true answer is always either golf, cars, sports or sex. I have to make up something else when you ask, so don't ask.
Because I'm a man,
you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't… … and if you are feeling amorous afterwards... then I will certainly at least remember the name and recommend it to others.
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Post by Spock on Mar 29, 2012 10:30:32 GMT -6
Get him Spike
Wanda's dishwasher quit working so she called a repairman. Since she had to go to work the next day, she told the repairman, "I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you a check."
"Oh, by the way don't worry about my bulldog Spike. He won't bother you. But, whatever you do, do NOT, under ANY circumstances, talk to my parrot!" "I REPEAT, DO NOT TALK TO MY PARROT!!!"
When the repairman arrived at Wanda's apartment the following day, he discovered the biggest, meanest looking bulldog he had ever seen. But, just as she had said, the dog just lay there on the carpet watching the repairman go about his work.
The parrot, however, drove him nuts the whole time with his incessant yelling, cursing and name calling. Finally the repairman couldn't contain himself any longer and yelled,
"Shut up, you stupid, ugly bird!"
To which the parrot replied, "Get him, Spike!"
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Post by Spock on Mar 29, 2012 10:31:00 GMT -6
The Talking Horse
A man was driving through west Texas one evening. The road was deserted and he had not seen a soul for hours. Suddenly his car started to cough and the engine died, leaving him sitting on the side of the road in total isolation. He popped the hood and looked to see if there was anything that he could do to get it going again. As he stood looking at the gradually fading light of his flashlight, he cursed that he had not put in new batteries.
Suddenly, through the inky shadows, came a deep voice: "It's your fuel pump."
"Who said that?" the man called out.
There were two horses, a white one and a black one, standing in the fenced field alongside the road. The man was amazed when the white horse repeated, "It's your fuel pump. Tap it with your flashlight and try it again."
Confused, the man tapped the fuel pump with his flash light, turned the key and sure enough, the engine roared to life. He muttered a short thanks to the horse and screeched away.
When he reached the next town, he ran into the local bar. "Gimme a large whiskey, please!" he said.
A rancher sitting at the bar looked at the man's ashen face and asked, "What's wrong, man? You look like you've seen a ghost."
"It's unbelievable," the man said and recalled the whole tale to the rancher.
The rancher took a sip of his beer and looked thoughtful. "A horse, you say? Was it by any chance a white horse?"
"Yes, it was!" the man said, finally happy someone understood. "Am I crazy?"
"No, you ain't crazy. In fact, you're lucky," said the rancher, "because that black horse don't know nothin' about cars."
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Post by Spock on Mar 29, 2012 10:31:30 GMT -6
GOOD PILOT PHILOSOPHIES
The difference between a duck and a co-pilot? The duck can fly.
A check ride ought to be like a skirt--short enough to be interesting, but long enough to cover everything.
Speed is life. Altitude is life insurance.
It only takes two things to fly: airspeed and money.
The three most dangerous things in aviation: A Doctor or Dentist in a Cessna. Two captains in a DC-9. A flight attendant with a chipped tooth.
Aircraft Identification: If it's ugly, it's British. If it's weird, it's French. If it's ugly and weird, it's Russian.
Without ammunition, the USAF would be just another very expensive flying club.
The three best things in life are a good landing, a good orgasm, and a good bowel movement. A night carrier landing is one of the few opportunities to experience all three at the same time.
The similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots? If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies. If ATC screws up, the pilot dies.
It's better to break ground and head into the wind than to break wind and head into the ground.
The difference between flight attendants and jet engines is that the engines usually quit whining when they get to the gate.
New FAA motto: "We're not happy, till you're not happy."
A copilot is a knot head until he spots opposite direction traffic at 12 o'clock, after which he's a goof-off for not seeing it sooner.
If something hasn't broken on your helicopter--it's about to.
I give that landing a 9 . . . on the Richter scale.
Basic Flying Rules: 1. Try to stay in the middle of the air. 2. Do not go near the edges of it. 3. The edges of the air can be recognized by the appearance of ground, buildings, sea, trees and interstellar space. It is much more difficult to fly in the edges.
Unknown landing signal officer to carrier pilot after his 6th unsuccessful landing attempt: "You've got to land here son. This is where the food is."
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